Random Thoughts- Do They Have Meaning?

Can't say that I am surprised by any of this but I am not especially pleased either. Read the clip and then read the whole story.


Read the whole story...

You once told me that you would never forgive me for not finding you sooner. You said that you couldn't believe that two people could be so perfectly matched and yet live so far apart.

I nodded my head in understanding. You weren't looking for a response or asking for an answer so I remained silent. I knew that you were venting and just wanted to be heard.

You said our situation sucked and I nodded my head again. I didn't agree with your assessment but that wasn't the time to tell you that you were wrong. I opened my arms and you stepped into them. I wrapped them around you and stroked your hair.

I could feel you trembling and I knew that you were crying. I left your head on my shoulder and hugged you tighter. When I shifted you wrapped your legs around my body and I walked us to the couch.

We sat there in the dark, our bodies still intertwined and I listened to you breathe. I felt your hands running up and down my back but still I remained silent. Some might have suggested that my silence was an effort to leverage my position for power but it was no such thing.

I knew that you knew that. I also knew that I couldn't fix what was broken. All I could do was wait it out. It wasn't easy. It is not my nature to just hold still and accept what comes but sometimes we have no choice.

You kissed me hard on the mouth and I knew that I had a choice to make. I could push things in one of two directions. You were ready to give yourself to me but I knew that it was part of your desire to say goodbye but I hesitated to take what was freely offered.

I had already started the process of mentally moving my gear back into my man cave and I knew that soft and loving wasn't something that I could offer that night. So I decided that you would have to make it clear that other options were open to me.

Besides I knew that if you made that decision it would be easier for you. In the dark I wrapped my fingers in your hair and stared at the outline of your face. There wasn't any need for words. You understood and so did I.

I made a fairly significant mistake two days ago but didn't discover it until today. Been doing my best not to beat myself up too badly because mistakes are a part of life and there is no benefit in staring in the mirror to call myself an idiot.

But that doesn't remove the irritation or the sting because now I have created an enormous amount of work for myself and I am frustrated. Frustrated because this was the kind of mistake that I rarely make. On the scale of stupidity it ranks just above Jackass and somewhere below moron.

So I am doing my best to fix things. I have placed the Dunce cap on my head, stuck the gum on the tip of my nose and am sitting in the corner facing the wall.

The good news is that I know how it happened and I have a solution that will prevent this from happening again. Unfortunately that doesn't prevent me from having to shovel some shit and wallow in mud.

That is because this particular project doesn't lend itself to speed. It is tedious and highly detailed. So I stand here before you and my children doing my best to be somewhat graceful.

And now that I have taken a moment to vent let me direct you to recent posts that you might be interested in reading:

Whitney Houston died today at age 48. The media reports haven't said what the cause of death but there is much speculation that it was due to drug use. That could mean that it was an overdose or that it was from complications from prior drug use.

It makes me angry to see how many people are tweeting about this. It makes me angry to see all of the Facebook status reports and the million news stories that have surfaced about her death.

I am sorry for her friends and family because 48 is far too young. It is a tragic death but unless I am seriously mistaken it is one that could have been avoided. She wouldn't be the first person to die as a result of their addiction or things related to it and she won't be the last.

Don't lecture me about how addiction is a disease and that I am being too hard on Whitney because this isn't about Whitney. If it was I would still say it is tragic and I would tell you that I have friends and family who have battled addiction. I'd tell you that I believe that there is a disease involved here, but again it is not about Whitney.

I am angry because the world is filled with hungry and homeless people. I am angry because I know more than a few people who are fighting to save their homes and feed their families. I am angry because healthcare is ridiculously expensive and in more than a few cities public education is broken.

I am angry because we have the ability to fix these things but we aren't. I am angry because I get emails from friends/family that are Democrats/Republicans that tell me about how the other side is evil. I am angry because I am tired of the emails, the whining, crying and complaining.

Shut the fuck up and start emailing me with solutions. Start offering suggestions for how we can fix what is broken and stop sending me this political crap about why Obama/Newt/Pelois/Gingrich/Reid is going to destroy America.

I'd write more but I understand there is this great reality television show coming on and ooh, shiny...look how pretty that light is....