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Knicks Trade Jeremy Lin For Selfish Asshole Who Plays Knicks-Style Basketball

After another bite of sour fish, Doc struggles to hold down the Jeremy Lin trade, Derrick Rose in a gurney, and the wusses on the Mariners. more »

Newswire

Randy Moss Awkwardly Asks Brad Childress For Letter Of Recommendation 4 hours, 34 minutes ago

Man Hears Wash Of White Noise Any Time Waiter Tells Him About Specials 7 hours, 20 minutes ago

Infographic: Chinese National Found Guilty Of Stealing Trade Secrets 9 hours, 20 minutes ago

Nation Watches In Envy As 15-Year-Old Jots Notes In Margin Of 'To Kill A Mockingbird' 10 hours, 20 minutes ago

American Voices: Jamie Oliver Unearths Joy Division Master Tapes 11 hours, 50 minutes ago

Moviegoers Not Interested In Hearing What Is, Isn't Possible, Demand Heath Ledger 'Dark Knight Rises' Appearance 13 hours ago

[audio] Deadbeat Dads March On Las Vegas 13 hours, 50 minutes ago

EMPORIA, KS—A cicada in dormancy since 2008 briefly awoke and was excited to realize it just had 13 more years to go before mating for two weeks and dying. 1 day, 4 hours ago

TV Listings: Millionaires And Their Money 1 day, 6 hours ago

Man Remembers Awfulness Of Life Right In Middle Of Movie 1 day, 7 hours ago

Corrections: Squirrel Nut Zippers 1 day, 8 hours ago

Charlize Theron Hired To Ride Struggling Cleveland Light Rail System Monday Through Friday 1 day, 9 hours ago

American Voices: Supreme Court Justice Robbed At Knifepoint 1 day, 12 hours ago

Nation Refuses To Read Headline Beyond Words '4-Year-Old Girl Forced To' 1 day, 13 hours ago

[audio] Smoker Inspired By Sight Of Elderly Smoker 1 day, 13 hours ago

Suns Ownership Continually Dropping Hints To Steve Nash That He Should Demand Trade 2 days, 4 hours ago

Stockwatch: McCormick & Company (MKC) 2 days, 7 hours ago

Another Dead Body Tossed On A Heap Somewhere 2 days, 6 hours ago

GOP Voters: 'Can We See What It Looks Like With Huntsman And Perry Again?' 2 days, 7 hours ago

Roger Goodell Backs Off Expansion Talk After Being Reminded Of Jacksonville Jaguars 2 days, 8 hours ago

Joad Cressbeckler: Immigrants Who Survive Arizona Desert Deserve Citizenship 2 days, 9 hours ago

Opinion: So, How Was Afghanistan? by Debbie Creffler 2 days, 10 hours ago

Your Horoscopes - Week Of February 14, 2012 2 days, 11 hours ago

American Voices: Saudi Journalist Arrested For Tweeting To Muhammad 2 days, 12 hours ago

[audio] Shiny, Wriggling Object Attracting Interest Among Fish Community 2 days, 13 hours ago

Grid List 1 2 3 4
"I hope he takes this opportunity to start an amazing Joy Division–themed restaurant."

American Voices: Jamie Oliver Unearths Joy Division Master Tapes

13 hours ago

Moviegoers Not Interested In Hearing What Is, Isn't Possible, Demand Heath Ledger 'Dark Knight Rises' Appearance

13 hours, 50 minutes ago

Deadbeat Dads March On Las Vegas

1 day, 9 hours ago

Charlize Theron Hired To Ride Struggling Cleveland Light Rail System Monday Through Friday

"That's why I always rob nobodies. Give me all your money."

American Voices: Supreme Court Justice Robbed At Knifepoint

1 day, 13 hours ago

Nation Refuses To Read Headline Beyond Words '4-Year-Old Girl Forced To'

1 day, 13 hours ago

Smoker Inspired By Sight Of Elderly Smoker

2 days, 8 hours ago

Roger Goodell Backs Off Expansion Talk After Being Reminded Of Jacksonville Jaguars

2 days, 9 hours ago

On TV: Joad Cressbeckler: Immigrants Who Survive Arizona Desert Deserve Citizenship

by Debbie Creffler

So, How Was Afghanistan?

Libra Week Of
Feb 14, 2012

Horoscopes: Your short but remarkable career as the Serge Gainsbourg of country music will end Thursday as disgustingly as it began.

"Wait, other people can read your tweets?"

American Voices: Saudi Journalist Arrested For Tweeting To Muhammad

2 days, 13 hours ago

Shiny, Wriggling Object Attracting Interest Among Fish Community

3 days, 8 hours ago

Editorial Cartoon: Prime Time for Ticker Tape

3 days, 9 hours ago

New Breeding Program Aimed At Keeping Moderate Republicans From Going Extinct

3 days, 10 hours ago

Slideshow: The Week In Pictures

3 days, 10 hours ago

Anti-Doping Agency Has A Bunch Of Old Tour De France Titles Lying Around If Anybody Wants One

"It just goes to show you there's no place for a medical drama in America."

American Voices: 'House' To End

3 days, 13 hours ago

On TV: Obama Begs Voters Not To Make His Daughters Switch Schools

3 days, 13 hours ago

Girlfriend Acting All Clingy After Getting Pregnant

4 days, 12 hours ago

Most Humiliating Experience Of Man's Life On DVD March 6

4 days, 23 hours ago

Doctors Clear Peyton Manning To Let 300-Pound Men Slam Him Into The Ground As Hard As They Can

"I was disappointed that M&M guy doesn't have a dick."

Fan On The Street: On This Year's Super Bowl Commercials

5 days, 10 hours ago

Palm Tree Fires Off Warning Coconut

5 days, 10 hours ago

Roger Goodell Asks Football Fans How Much They Are Willing To Pay To Make Pro Bowl Go Away

6 days, 6 hours ago

Sportsgraphic: Championship Celebration Moments

5 days, 15 hours ago

48-Year-Old Man Actually Very Open To Dating 25-Year-Olds

6 days, 5 hours ago

Josh Hamilton Apologizes For Not Calling Sports Media Immediately After Relapse

6 days, 6 hours ago

Eli Manning: 'My Mom And Dad Are Taking Me To Disney World!'

6 days, 8 hours ago

Nonindigenous Larry Crosses State Lines

6 days, 11 hours ago

Statshot: Why Are We Deleting Our Facebook Accounts?

“I bet us Americans are much better at running from them than those whiny Afghans.â€

American Voices: Congress Clears U.S. Airspace For More Drones

6 days, 13 hours ago

Peyton Manning Congratulates Brother Eli: 'This Has Been The Worst Year Of My Life'

6 days, 13 hours ago

Local Man Miscast In Role As Father

1 week ago

Iran Worried U.S. Might Be Building 8,500th Nuclear Weapon

1 week ago

Infographic: 'Soul Train' Creator Don Cornelius Dead

Jamie Oliver Unearths Joy Division Master Tapes

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.16.12 | American Voices

While renovating the basement of a bank he plans to turn into a restaurant, celebrity chef Jamie Oliver reportedly found $1.7 million in valuables, which included jewelry, New Order and Joy Division master tapes, and a gun. more»

Moviegoers Not Interested In Hearing What Is, Isn't Possible, Demand Heath Ledger 'Dark Knight Rises' Appearance

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.16.12 | News

LOS ANGELES—Saying they don't want to hear anything at all about what film producers can or can't do, moviegoers across the country warned Thursday that the latest Batman movie, The Dark Knight Rises, had better include an appearance by the l... more»

Deadbeat Dads March On Las Vegas

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.16.12 | Radio News

Charlize Theron Hired To Ride Struggling Cleveland Light Rail System Monday Through Friday

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.15.12 | News in Brief

CLEVELAND—As part of an ongoing effort to rejuvenate its public transportation system, the Greater Cleveland Regional Transit Authority announced Wednesday that it had signed a three-year, $32 million deal hiring Academy Award–winning actress ... more»

Supreme Court Justice Robbed At Knifepoint

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.15.12 | American Voices

While vacationing in the Caribbean, Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer and his family were robbed of $1,000 by an intruder wielding a machete. more»

Nation Refuses To Read Headline Beyond Words '4-Year-Old Girl Forced To'

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.15.12 | News

RAFFERTYVILLE, FL—According to reports coming in from around the country this morning, people are steadfastly refusing to read a news headline past the words "4-Year-Old Girl Forced To," with most saying they simply don't have it in them t... more»

Smoker Inspired By Sight Of Elderly Smoker

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.15.12 | Radio News

Roger Goodell Backs Off Expansion Talk After Being Reminded Of Jacksonville Jaguars

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.14.12 | Sports News in Brief

NEW YORK—Amid talks of "possibly adding a 32nd team" to the National Football League, Commissioner Roger Goodell was reminded by aides Tuesday that the Jaguars have been playing in the AFC South for more than a decade. more»

Joad Cressbeckler: Immigrants Who Survive Arizona Desert Deserve Citizenship

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.14.12 | Onion News Network On IFC

On The Cressbeckler Stance, Joad says any Mexican who crosses the scorching-hot desert on foot has proved himself worthy of U.S. more»

So, How Was Afghanistan?

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.14.12 | Commentary

Welcome back! Wow, I almost didn't recognize you. How long has it been? It seems like forever since you left for Afghanistan. more»

Your Horoscopes - Week Of February 14, 2012

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.14.12 | Horoscope

Aries Your health continues to decline as your skin becomes too sensitive to endure sunlight and your soul remains too sensitive to endure dark, smoky bars. Taurus While you admire his technical execution and admit he ha... more»

Saudi Journalist Arrested For Tweeting To Muhammad

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.14.12 | American Voices

Twenty-three-year-old Saudi newspaper columnist Hamza Kashgari was arrested in Malaysia, where he was trying to flee after receiving death threats for tweets addressed to the Prophet Muhammad. more»

Shiny, Wriggling Object Attracting Interest Among Fish Community

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.14.12 | Radio News

Prime Time for Ticker Tape

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.13.12 | Editorial Cartoon

New Breeding Program Aimed At Keeping Moderate Republicans From Going Extinct

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.13.12 | News

WASHINGTON—Saying the now critically endangered species of politician is at high risk for complete extinction within the next 10 years, Beltway-area conservationists announced plans Monday for a new captive breeding program designed to save moderate... more»

The Week In Pictures

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.13.12 | Slideshow

Anti-Doping Agency Has A Bunch Of Old Tour De France Titles Lying Around If Anybody Wants One

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.13.12 | Sports News in Brief

MONTREAL—Upon releasing documents Monday relating to the verdict against 2010 Tour de France winner Alberto Contador, World Anti-Doping Agency officials mentioned to reporters they have plenty of stripped Tour titles in the office that anybody could... more»

'House' To End

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.13.12 | American Voices

Producers for the show House announced the current season of the popular medical drama would be its last. more»

Obama Begs Voters Not To Make His Daughters Switch Schools

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.13.12 | Onion News Network On IFC

The Obama campaign unveils a new strategy: urging Americans to keep him in the White House so Sasha and Malia don't have to make new friends. more»

Girlfriend Acting All Clingy After Getting Pregnant

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.13.12 | Radio News

Most Humiliating Experience Of Man's Life On DVD March 6

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.12.12 | News in Photos

Doctors Clear Peyton Manning To Let 300-Pound Men Slam Him Into The Ground As Hard As They Can

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.12.12 | Sports News in Brief

INDIANAPOLIS—Sources confirmed Friday that Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning had been cleared by doctors to resume his career of being chased, clubbed, and thrown to the ground by 300-pound men, often with the 300-pound men falling on to... more»

On This Year's Super Bowl Commercials

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.12.12 | Fan On The Street

Palm Tree Fires Off Warning Coconut

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.11.12 | News in Photos

Roger Goodell Asks Football Fans How Much They Are Willing To Pay To Make Pro Bowl Go Away

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.11.12 | Sports News in Brief

NEW YORK­—Football fans "do not like the Pro Bowl" and "would rather get rid of the all-star game altogether," NFL commissioner Roger Goodell told reporters Saturday, saying the league is open to hearing exactly how much mone... more»

Championship Celebration Moments

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.10.12 | Sportsgraphic

The Giants shut down Manhattan for half the day Tuesday with their NFL championship parade, and while magnificent, it didn't register alongside these epic sports victory celebrations:  more»

48-Year-Old Man Actually Very Open To Dating 25-Year-Olds

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.11.12 | News

WILMETTE, IL—Describing himself as "open-minded" and "very willing to try new things," 48-year-old law firm partner Richard Bogan told reporters Saturday that, as unconven­tional as it may sound, he's actually quite receptive... more»

Josh Hamilton Apologizes For Not Calling Sports Media Immediately After Relapse

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.10.12 | Sports News in Brief

DALLAS—Texas Rangers All-Star outfielder and former alcoholic Josh Hamilton held a press conference Friday to issue an apology to the mainstream sports media for not immediately thinking of them after suffering a relapse last week. more»

Eli Manning: 'My Mom And Dad Are Taking Me To Disney World!'

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.10.12 | Photo Finish

Nonindigenous Larry Crosses State Lines

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.10.12 | News in Brief

CINCINNATI—People in the greater Cincin­nati area reported multiple sightings of a non­indigenous Larry on Wednesday, leading officials from the Ohio Department of Natural Resources to conclude the outsider may have crossed state lines and t... more»

Why Are We Deleting Our Facebook Accounts?

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.10.12 | Statshot

Congress Clears U.S. Airspace For More Drones

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.10.12 | American Voices

With a vote of 75 to 20 in the Senate, Congress approved a bill that will allow more drones, military and private, in U.S. more»

Peyton Manning Congratulates Brother Eli: 'This Has Been The Worst Year Of My Life'

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.10.12 | Sports News

INDIANAPOLIS—Mere minutes after Super Bowl XLVI MVP Eli Manning hoisted the Lombardi Trophy on Sunday, he was congratulated in the locker room by his older brother, injury-ridden four-time NFL MVP Peyton, whose sadness at missing an entire season se... more»

Local Man Miscast In Role As Father

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.10.12 | Radio News

Iran Worried U.S. Might Be Building 8,500th Nuclear Weapon

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.09.12 | News

TEHRAN—Amidst mounting geopolitical tensions, Iranian officials said Wednesday they were increasingly concerned about the United States of America's uranium-enrichment program, fearing the Western nation may soon be capable of producing its 8,500th ... more»

'Soul Train' Creator Don Cornelius Dead

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.09.12 | Infographic

Last week, the final chapter of Soul Train came to a close when show creator and longtime host Don Cornelius was found dead in his California home. Here are some highlights from the legendary show he created: 1971: Ja... more»

Spanking Doesn't Work

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.09.12 | American Voices

A study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal analyzed two decades of research and found that children who were punished physically became more aggressive over time, while those who weren't became less aggressive. more»

Alarming Study Finds More Than 12 Instances Of Racism Occurred Last Year

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.09.12 | News

NEW YORK—A shocking study released Thursday by sociologists at Columbia University found that more than 12 instances of racism occurred in 2011, suggesting not only that prejudice based on the color of one's skin still exists, but that it remains di... more»

Junior Building Inspector Closes Down Area Tree House

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.09.12 | Radio News

Study Reveals Majority Of Suicides Occur While Trying To Put Fitted Sheet On Bed

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.08.12 | News in Brief

BALTIMORE—According to a study published Monday in Psychological Bulletin, more than 83 percent of suicides take place when an individual is faced with the task of putting a fitted sheet onto a mattress. more»

Meet The Man Inside The Nicolas Cage Costume

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.08.12 | StarFix

Star Fix has an exclusive interview with the man who has enchanted audiences for the last 30 years playing the delightfully wacky, oversized puppet of Nicolas Cage. more»

Smoking Speeds Mental Decline

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.08.12 | American Voices

A study published in Archives Of General Psychiatry found that middle-aged men who smoked had diminished cognitive skills, the equivalent of having aged an additional 10 years. more»

New Photos Reveal Stress Of Obama's First Term In Office Has Rapidly Aged Americans

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.08.12 | News

WASHINGTON—Recent side-by-side photographic comparisons of Americans before and after he assumed the presidency have confirmed the stress of Barack Obama's time in the White House has taken a significant toll on the U.S. more»

Camera Crew Discreetly Trails Overweight Woman For Obesity Segment

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.08.12 | Radio News

Report: Watching Episode of 'Downton Abbey' Counts As Reading Book

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.07.12 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON—According to a report from the U.S. Department of Education released Thursday, watching a single episode of the British TV series Downton Abbey is the cultural and educational equivalent of reading an entire book. more»

Video
Opinion

Jamie Oliver Unearths Joy Division Master Tapes 02.16

Squirrel Nut Zippers 02.15

Supreme Court Justice Robbed At Knifepoint 02.15

So, How Was Afghanistan? 02.14

Local

Man Hears Wash Of White Noise Any Time Waiter Tells Him About Specials 02.16

Deadbeat Dads March On Las Vegas 02.16

Man Remembers Awfulness Of Life Right In Middle Of Movie 02.15

Charlize Theron Hired To Ride Struggling Cleveland Light Rail System Monday Through Friday 02.15

Entertainment

Moviegoers Not Interested In Hearing What Is, Isn't Possible, Demand Heath Ledger 'Dark Knight Rises' Appearance 02.16

Millionaires And Their Money 02.15

Your Horoscopes - Week Of February 14, 2012 02.14

Bus Bowl 02.13

Science & Technology

New Biography Reveals Einstein Devised Theory Of Relativity On Paper Because He Wasn't Smart Enough To Invent Microsoft Word 02.09

Intelligent, Condescending Life Discovered In Distant Galaxy 02.06

New Study Finds Humans May Have Some Capacity For Compassion 02.02

FDA Urges Americans To Check Out Weird-Looking Potato 01.30

sports

Randy Moss Awkwardly Asks Brad Childress For Letter Of Recommendation 02.16

Knicks Trade Jeremy Lin For Selfish Asshole Who Plays Knicks-Style Basketball 02.16

Suns Ownership Continually Dropping Hints To Steve Nash That He Should Demand Trade 02.14

Roger Goodell Backs Off Expansion Talk After Being Reminded Of Jacksonville Jaguars 02.14

Politics

GOP Voters: 'Can We See What It Looks Like With Huntsman And Perry Again?' 02.14

New Breeding Program Aimed At Keeping Moderate Republicans From Going Extinct 02.13

Choosing Your Candidate 02.07

In The Know Panel Analyzes Obama's Furious, Profanity-Filled Rant At Nation 02.07

News »

Moviegoers Not Interested In Hearing What Is, Isn't Possible, Demand Heath Ledger 'Dark Knight Rises' Appearance

02.16.12

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