Dandelion, New York, c. 1973
Photo: Irving Penn

“What do you want to be when you grow up?†our tour guide asked the group of five year olds.

“AN ASTRONAUT!â€
“A SUPERHERO!â€
“A DOCTOOOOOOR!â€

Then the tiny girl in the middle raised her hand and said, “A flower.â€

[ http://www.youtube.com/embed/AmZJUfcxrvc ]

Happy Valentine’s Day, my sweethearts.

Do you have a song that makes you hopeful about love?

The best parts of Bossypants by Tina Fey:

As an improviser, I always find it jarring when I meet someone in real life whose first answer is no. “No, we can’t do that.” “No, that’s not in the budget.” “No, I will not hold your hand for a dollar.” What kind of way is that to live?

Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.

I had to take eleventh-grade health in twelfth grade. I had postponed it the year before so I could take choir and Encore Singers — it was kind of a big deal to be in both, whatever. I was alto 1, but sometimes they had me sing second soprano. I had a solo in “O Holy Night” in a performance at the mall. In downtown Philadelphia. Enough! Stop asking me about it!

Don’t hire anyone you wouldn’t want to run into in the hallway at three in the morning.

A coworker at SNL dropped an angry C-bomb on me and I had the weirdest reaction. To my surprise, I blurted, “No. You don’t get to call me that. My parents love me; I’m not some Adult Child of an Alcoholic that’s going to take that shit.”

Of course I know now that no one can “steal” boyfriends against their will, not even Angelina Jolie itself.

The house is cozy warm from the wood-burning heater. There are hugs and kisses and pies and soup and ham and biscuits and a continuous flow of Maxwell House coffee with nondairy creamer.

From “A Mother’s Prayer for Its Daughter:”
And when one day she turns and calls me a
Bitch in front of Hollister,
Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a
cab in front of her friends,
For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

Amy… did something vulgar as a joke. I can’t remember what it was exactly, except it was dirty and loud and “unladylike.”
Jimmy Fallon, who was arguably the star of the show at the time, turned to her and in a faux-squeamish voice said, “Stop that! It’s not cute! I don’t like it!”
Amy dropped what she was doing, went black in the eyes for a second, and wheeled around on him. “I don’t fucking care if you don’t like it.” Jimmy was visibly startled. Amy went right back to enjoying her ridiculous bit…
With that exchange, a cosmic shift took place. Amy made it clear that she wasn’t there to be cute. She wasn’t there to play wives and girlfriends in the boys’ scenes. She was there to do what she wanted to do and she did not fucking care if you like it.
I was so happy. Weirdly, I remember thinking, “My friend is here! My friend is here!” Even though things had been going great for me at the show, with Amy there, I felt less alone.

He thinks Valentine’s Day is stupid. He thinks it’s a Hallmark holiday perpetuated by gift-shop owners and florists. He thinks if you’re really in love, you’ll naturally celebrate that year round anyway. He… should probably shut up now.

Sheer Luxe Back Seam Pantyhose

Merriweather Bra

Adelia Set

Silence and Noise Mesh Paneled Bodysuit

Thin Strap Sandals

Honeydew Intimates Diamond Mesh Tank

Calvin Klein: Microfiber and Lace Chemise

Clouded Morning Set

Dreamgirl Laced Back Robe and G-String

Nylon Spandex Micro-Mesh Bra Bodysuit

You speak four languages and want to visit every country before you die. He uses an analog compass when you go hiking and had to add extra visa pages to his passport. This relationship is going somewhere.

Paper Plane Brooch or Tie Chain, $60
The gift that says, “someday I’ll surprise you with tickets somewhere warm.”

Moleskine Folio Digital Tablet Cover for Apple iPad, $84
He seems so much more erudite when his iPad looks like a notebook. Also, so much less likely to get mugged.

Go Clean Lingerie Bag, $20
You were planning to get her inappropriate underwear for Valentine’s Day anyway. Wrapping it in this increases the odds that she’ll actually put it on. Perhaps in Belize.

ts01 Earphones, $65 (via Rena Tom)
He hates it when strangers try to talk to him on the plane.

Pelle California Handmade Leather Travel Journal, $40
Paper faithfully records your journeys for posterity, and lacks privacy policies that change at the whim of a 27-year-old CEO.

Sleeping Beauty Eye Mask, $20
Use it for sleeping on flights. Or not sleeping in the hotel room.

Transit Issue Travel Candle, $30
Once you’re home, the travel candle just smells like Bali.

Ari Marcopolous Camera Bag, $200
She should probably stop wrapping her DSLR in a hotel towel and shoving it in her purse.

Nineteen13 One-Hand Vacuum Mug, $28 (via Rena Tom)
He laughs in the face of jetlag.

Scratch Personalized World Map Poster, $17
Get one for each of you. See who wins.