You may have a drinking problem if you are turning to liquid soap in the absence of any alcohol (abc.net.au) (11)
Amanda Knox does what everyone expected she would do. Okay, the other thing everyone expected her to do (npr.org) (20)
If you are flying in a Cessna with 40 pounds of pot, you should try to stay out of the same air space as the President of the United States (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (12)
Paris selectman and treasurer for the Oxford County Republican Committee gets a second OUI charge. Some people just can't say NON (sunjournal.com) (9)
In million-dollar deal to save school district, lucky Texas kids now ride "The Chick-Fil-A Bus" to school, where Social Studies has been replaced by Commerce Studies. Just kidding, they sold out for $40k/year (nytimes.com) (58)
IT worker orders Starbucks coffee with 16 espresso shots. Daily Mail reporters are eager to ask him about the experience, but are still waiting for him to leave the bathroom (dailymail.co.uk) (87)
The best photo essay you'll ever see. "Brian Scott Ostrom is one of them. After serving four years as a reconnaissance marine and deploying twice to Iraq, Scott, now 27, returned home to the U.S. with a severe case of PTSD" (poyi.org) (161)
Owning a handgun for self-protection in the home is a right, like free speech. Let's check in with Washington D.C. to see if the Heller ruling has sunk in yet. And no, this is not a transcript of a deleted scene from 'Brazil' (washingtontimes.com) (170)
Alabama man arrested, charged with stealing 240,000 gallons of water. From the looks of him, it wasn't for bathing (timesfreepress.com) (24)
Rex Flodstrom, arrested for surfing on Lake Michigan, gets a plea deal thanks to his attorney and water-sports expert, Ed Genson (espn.go.com) (19)
Columnist suggests Israelis take a closer look at history before launching attack on Iran. A decision to attack in one instance led to 37 million casualties (washingtonpost.com) (55)
Vader, crushed by the Rebellion and the Obama economy, resorts to armed robbery. He is being held in detention block AA 23 (wacotrib.com) (40)
Gramer Nazi sues government for conspiring against him in the slam-dunkiest case of backwards correct syntaxing modification fraud you'll ever see (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (66)
State to cut minimum wage for restaurant workers because the food took too long, and the air conditioning is too cold, and I don't like this song, and you gave me to much ice, now I don't have enough ice, why do they even pay you at all? (orlandosentinel.com) (61)
Two people shot at the federal building in downtown Long Beach (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (165)
That little girl who was forced to have (yecchy) chicken nuggets instead of her mommies (yummy) turkey and cheese sammich? Yeah. It was all a mistake (washingtonpost.com) (94)
Britain's fattest woman weighs 560 lbs and hasn't left her house in four years. She can still post on Fark though, which is nice (dailymail.co.uk) (186)
Teen steals tomato plant, thinking it was a pot plant. You say tomato I say retarded (wesh.com) (98)
Bank of America transforms man's one hundred dollar check in to $3.3 million (miamiherald.com) (152)
Crime lab that can give drug test results before actually running tests raises a few eyebrows (statesman.com) (59)
GOP Congressman: Democrats engage in "the most insidious form of slavery remaining in the world today." Apart from actual slavery, apparently (rawstory.com) (413)
Homeless counterfeiter tells police he was just trying to make a buck, or $20 and $50 bills (upi.com) (28)
School goes on lockdown because of A) a bomb threat B) reports of a student with a gun C) a parent dressed as Mickey Mouse (vindy.com) (71)
One in ten US kids is being raised by a drunk. This is great news for police, social workers, and anybody else whose job security depends on an endless supply of idiots with active reproductive systems. Not so great for kids, though (health.usnews.com) (171)
It takes 30 min. to get a pizza delivered, but 6 hours to get the pizza guy's carjacked car back using an app (thedenverchannel.com) (33)
GOP: "It's an outrage that Obamacare forces employers to pay for contraception." Reporter: "How do you feel about Romneycare, which has the same provision?" GOP: ***crickets*** (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (277)
Police get call about man stuck in bear trap. Only a) it wasn't a man and b) it wasn't a bear trap (ncnewsonline.com) (55)
Typical weekday in Saanich: Drunken man crashes truck, but continues to drive with a broken axle and just 3 wheels for several blocks before stopping to break into a house to play the piano and skateboard (news.nationalpost.com) (51)
Neighbor from Hell wears sunglasses at night, flashes crotch at kids birthday party, flips the bird to news reporter (myfoxtwincities.com) (186)
Who hasn't had the dream where you are at school and you get strip searched by the school and they reveal your Superman undies to the entire class? It's not always a dream (dailymail.co.uk) (123)
South Korea, in an effort to stop the slow deaths of "that which has no life", considering putting a 2 hour time limit on gaming (ingame.msnbc.msn.com) (161)
British school bans slang so students can have a "better chance in the real world". By real world they must mean "getting understood by Americans" (shortlist.com) (72)
Panasonic to stop manufacturing VCRs for Japanese market. If you're unsure what a VCR is, ask your parents (nypost.com) (143)
If you can think of something to do with 20,000 cubic yards of smashed bottles, the recycling capital of the US would like to talk to you (katu.com) (86)
Bulldog adopts six wild boar piglets, was last heard shouting "BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON" (seattlepi.com) (22)
College student launches $5 walk-of-shame shuttle service, including bottled water, discount coupon for Plan B, and complimentary high-five from nonjudgmental driver. With pic (scroll down). You be the judge (jalopnik.com) (156)
If you're miles from civilization and a deadly tiger snake bites your friend on his testicle and your friend asks you to suck the venom out, would you? (dailytelegraph.com.au) (81)
In case you were wondering if the Religious Left is as looney as the Religious Right. Yep, it is (nationalreview.com) (304)
Researchers find serious shrinkage in specific brain areas with alcohol use. Primarily those involving assessing how well you're dancing and how attractive that person is (sciencedaily.com) (28)
Looking at porn on your phone and showing it to those around you may not get you fired from your job unless you are known by your students as the BEST BUS DRIVER EVER (newsherald.com) (12)
Six things you should never say to your mother-in-law. Seven, if you include, "There's no more gin" (mnn.com) (57)
Important tip for police officers: if you shut off your dashboard cam so you can brutalize a suspect during arrest, make sure your lapel mike is also off when you tell them you are "just going to make something up" about their injuries (abcnews.go.com) (146)
Breezes emanate from this guy's peacock fan 14 hours a day, while he helps sweat-drenched temple-goers without a single day off for 52 years (thehindu.com) (27)
Trolling the long game: Write death penalty law in 1982. Attempt to eliminate death penalty law as state supreme court justice in 2012 (cleveland.cbslocal.com) (59)
Cool: Trinidad Moruga Scorpion wins hottest pepper title. Not Cool: Mean heat topped more than 1.2 million units on the Scoville scale (timesfreepress.com) (109)
Tokyo rabbit cafe smash hit with stressed-out Japanese. "'I came here during my break to relax,' said a smiling woman in her late 20s as she fed fresh vegetables to some of the rabbits" (japantimes.co.jp) (44)
Guy stops suspect robbing neighbor. "I'm no hero. Just an everyday, ordinary business man"... with a big farking gun (khou.com) (135)
Saucy: Kate Middleton sends Prince William underwear for Valentine's Day. Fail: His, not hers (thesun.co.uk) (19)
Protip: If you're going to light a candle in honor of a recently deceased celebrity, make sure it's not near any other flammable materials (upi.com) (14)
Moody's places every bank in the world on review for credit downgrade. Every bank? EVERY BANK (marketwatch.com) (62)
Controversial PETA ad claims going vegan may make you so good in bed "you'll injure your girlfriend". Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this (dailymail.co.uk) (134)
Farkette humbly requests help from fellow Farkers. Not for herself, but for an out of work friend and his furry roommates. DIT (facebook.com) (125)
Farker Pxlboy requests to be Photoshopped in honor of his 10th year on Fark (smg.photobucket.com) (62)
1 in 12 marriages in the United States are more open minded than President and Mrs. Obama's (msnbc.msn.com) (149)
Teenager discovers Internet video of her parents at a swinger club. With helpful pic of what "swinging" parents might look like (thelocal.de) (74)
New York Times Headline: "Howls of Protest" against Mitt Romney. Actual Story: 12 people showed up. Bigger Story: Author has written a variant on the same story 28 times in the past 4 years (newsbusters.org) (79)
You know what would really spice up the crocodile exhibit? Monkeys (thenational.ae) (42)
This weekend's 5 hour, 25 mile traffic jam on I-10 was caused by c) a pothole and a lack of cement (they throw in the cement to make it hard) (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (60)
A BYU student gets "Valentine's" note from a fellow student, presumably one with a penis, kindly asking her to not dress all sexy sexy. With picture of sexy sexy BYU student almost out of uniform (sltrib.com) (338)
Millions of people expected to come out to Niagara Falls to watch man fall to his death (wivb.com) (36)
Man robs Walgreens to pay for crack binge, cleverly disguising himself in a ski mask and ditching the jacket he wore during the robbery. The jacket with a letter in the pocket. Addressed to him (theday.com) (14)
Teacher forces her fifth-grade class to send Christmas cards to her boyfriend in jail. Aww, isn't that 'sweet' (nydailynews.com) (38)
Another face seen in a tree trunk. No it's not Jeebus or the Virgin Mary. Hint: Phone home (dailymail.co.uk) (24)
Borrowers defaulting on their payday loans? Send them fake court papers and wait for them at the county courthouse. The real courthouse people won't mind, will they? (chattanoogan.com) (85)
What's worse than being a jockey? Being Britain's unluckiest jockey (warning: some pics are a bit graphic) (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
Police buy the cemetery plots beside the Powell boys so their father can't be buried next to them (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (274)![[image]](http://mowser.com/img?url=http%3A%2F%2Fimg.fark.net%2Fimages%2F2012%2Fvegas%2Ffarkcon2012.jpg)




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