TihTahPah (via Mowser)

Saturday, February 11, 2012

A precious gift

I just heard news of another friend who had a miscarriage at 22weeks. It was a baby girl. Sigh. Makes me anxious thinking about it. Men have no idea how that must feel like. I think perhaps only now when I am pregnant that I truly understand the magnitude of pain and loss that she and some others may feel. A baby is truly a precious gift. I am grateful for every kick I feel. Forget about stretch marks and the back pain or swollen feet. Finally, all we want is a safe delivery of our bundle of joy.

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Patience....

A friend of mine was telling me about his mom, random things she does that he feels is very silai. Or that she is fickled, difficult and the list goes on. While me and another try to explain to him that elderly people are like that and that we should be patient I don't think he quite get it at all.

If you ask me, in fact, my parents are more tolerant and patient with me than the other way round. Maybe I am lucky.

He continues to complain about things that I find to be so trivial, and I think how did this go wrong? How did a son get this all wrong. Mind you he did not have to worry about financially supporting the mom. It was the emotional support that she yearns for. From what I gather that is. Husband just passed away and it is a major adjustment. For anyone really.

I wonder if my son would think the same? How can I ensure such wrong never happen to me and my son?

My other friend pointed out something. That we too would be old and frailed and helpless one day. And we would hope for someone we can emotionally rely on. Or to exercise patience with our shortcomings and unreasonable ways.

Friday, January 06, 2012

26weeks

Just got back from the doc's. Andrew couldn't come , so he missed a lot today. From the scan, doc said baby is super active. Saw the hand moving about again with the hand behind his head. Doc said be kept moving about so can't take a good picture of him. He is today about 1.2kg, 300g above the normal weight! I am not overweight though so doc said I will have to cut down vitamins and supplements of the baby.

I need to count number of movements too, 10 count in a span of 12 hours. He has moved about 6 times now after 2 hours.... I was shown the labour room entry point and the lift that takes me straight there. Just in case. I might be delivering end of march since baby is big.

That means I need to speed up my preparation. I am usually well prepared... Just that I am now slowing down a bit. Tired and lack of sleep. I hope I will pull through. Thank god for Andrew and my family. How do single mom cope? Whole new respect for all mothers out there as I deal with shoulder ache, tummy ache and backache. And trying to get work done is a feat sometimes.and housework.

14weeks or less! Here we go!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

2011review

2011 has been great. I have many things to be grateful of. Especially family, with everyone intact and happy, prospering and with good things ahead. Dad and mom are still going strong and i suspect much healthier than any of us. God has granted mine and Andrew 's wishes to have a baby and so here I am at 6 months plus already!

A year ago I left after I got a promotion with the company I was working for, a big loss of opportunity then...The world works in funny ways because this year I got a promotion with the current company I am working for. Andrew got a promotion too and his ticket to a better portfolio. Double joy for us because every cent we earn now will and has already been channeled to our baby.

With all that's happening , I am gad we manage to go to Phuket and Chiangmai and sealed the year for a family reunion in Singapore. Imn and Jason were back so that makes a complete family of 13 (including baby!).

It is also a year since we are married officially ( Chinese tradition wise) and I am grateful for an understanding, most obliging and thoughtful husband. Must be hard now with an angsty pregnant wife who can be most Mahfan at times. Thanks for putting up with everything and let's gear up for a new life as parents in 2012!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Sisters

I may have at some point written about my twin sister, Imn, but probably not as much about my 2 elder sisters. Probably the best gifts from my parents and God, I have the best sisters in the world and I am truly grateful. It does make me think if I ever want to have a second child...but that's for another post.

I guess the age difference of about 7 and 8 years, does play a part. I look up to my 2 elder sisters for advice in so many many things, sometimes I think I may be so mahfan, but hey, that's the beauty of sisterhood! One of my earliest memory was probably when I was about 9 years old. I remember I was propped up on a bed and reading one of those classic books. You know, those with a lot of difficult words. I got my eldest sis, Tache, to read beside me and I remember pestering her whenever I got through a difficult word, "what does this mean?" Hehe, I must have been a pain, but I remember she tried her best to explain, but there were some she'd just exclaim, "It just is, sze!" Growing up when she was in Singapore, I remember her visits back, and driving us to get laksa in Ipoh Jaya.....ah.....weird as it seems, she was the one who discovered that laksa shack we all loved so very much. She also transformed from a non-foodie to a foodie, so my memory of going to Singapore was her taking us to sample nice stuff. About last year, she went through an enlightenment period, and some her advice just stuck in my mind..."Don't try to change others, change yourself and how you react to it". I find myself repeating that to many people in various situation, and recently to my in-laws too (errr, long story). Another thing that stuck, was when she told that she could always rely on our (the 4 sisters) opinions because we are the only ones who would give her the blunt truth. Yeah, and that was when they made me parade in my wedding gown/cheongsam to get an Ok from them. hehe.

My 2nd sister is a softie. We stayed together for a few years when I was in college and well, must have been odd for her taking care of her 2 little sisters while she herself was still in university. I remember our trips to 1 utama by bus, sifting through Reject Shop, or her sending me to Bangsar Baru Mcdonalds in her beat up Volkswagen every morning, and our weekend trips to TMC with Uncle Chong (where she's mostly half-dazed due to late night partying). As I grew up and then we all lived together in Taman Desa for a good 4 years, I must say it was quite a crowd. One of the best times. Right now, I stay near my sister, and loved going back there to play with my nephew, babysitting him, and having my meals there.

I wont say much about my twin as I've posted one about her before. We are sisters of different levels, coz it's just a twin thing, and it's hard to compare it with anything else. If you have a sister, whether you think the relationship is sour or not, appreciate her because no one makes a better best friend than a sister! ( I dont have a brother so I dont know what having a brother is like..)

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Domestic Abuse???

I am shocked to learn that my dear friend was beten up by her ex boyfriend. As she recalled the incident, I realize that she jumbled the sequence and the details were sketchy. I was completely baffled and was out of words really. It was nothing I could relate to. She did not occur to me to be the meek type or hardly a candidate for domestic abuse but I guess there is no way of profiling a victim! She said she was traumatized I mean who wouldn't be. So traumatized and afraid that she evn gave the guy a ride. Odd but we should not be judgemental. There is never a right SOP for these kind of things and I suppose she did whatever she thought would keep her safe. I Am glad she made the right choice to lodge a polic report. I just hope this be a lesson learnt for all women out there. Always have your guards up!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Jaded is a bad word!

It is one of those things that immediately spells Negative to me. One of my pet peeves too. It is like telling people you are above it all, been there done it, and don't expect pity from me kind of attitude. My parents would never say that to me if I came to them with a dilemma, a problem or anything even though truly with 60 years + under their belt, they have seen it all! That's why it really baffles me when people in their twenties say they are jaded about anything. Truly? Instead of saying they are jaded, my parents never hesitate to give their two cents, based on their humble experience what they think is the right thing to do. It is something I always try to emulate. Also because I don't think I have been through all ups and downs in life to be truly jaded about anything really. The thing is that nothing is ever the same as the first time you experience it ( whatever it may be) because the external factors always differ, no matter how u see it. So how can anyone say they are jaded? Take it out of your vocabulary today!

Recognition award...

This month certainly brings in a lot f good news. My boss just informed me I will be receiving a recognition award that comes in $$$$$$. All the better for me! Although not a big deal in my company, every dollar counts to our baby fund! Cheekily I told her my baby thanks her! Hehe. Not bad for some project nobody wanted to do and a project that is still scorned to death. My counterpart in UK said that people involved in the project like us as the Trainers were bombarded like hell. It was a case of " Shoot the Messenger". It was a role all too familiar for me. Played the poor messenger role before. Years back I had to do the same in an unfamiliar setting, to an unfamilliar audience, to competitors and to the users. It was much worse then! But it only taught me to persevere, to be tolerant, and most of all to be more receptive to changes and less negative about new things. People tend to be resistant to change. It would sometimes be easier if we embrace change and work around it, rather than harp on it. That is what I learned. I now know why some companies are more resilient than others. Sadly, in my bunch, people were far less receptive than other clients and other companies I worked for. The older generation had a Let's-Nail-This attitude and did not waste time harping on why the change! I missed people like that . People who understood change is sometimes inevitable so make the best of it!

Monday, December 05, 2011

Promotion!

Bubu G ( as Andrew calls him) has certainly bring a lot of luck to us! I have received news of my promotion, which is really timely as we await for the arrival of our baby. I have just started on this job last year August so I am really grateful. A year's work has certainly paid off. It also does a huge impact on my benefits.

We were discouraged from announcing it until the official news is out. Really it didn't matter to me, I am looking at the monetary value and also looking out for something new. People who worked with me before would know...I get bored easily. And I like going to work, so I gotta keep myself motivated by learning new things. How utterly nerdy right?

Monday, November 28, 2011

Progress

Baby is 450 g. He does ticklish stuff around my tummy sporadically throughout the day, especially at night. Doctor said he is growing well although my bump is small. He seems to move when he hear voices, like kids, one particular colleague and when me and Andrew laugh about something.

I am getting heavier at 21 weeks and the backaches are interfering with my sleep. I have sweaty palms and sweaty feet... Can be so bothersome u know. I still just have 3 main meals and occasional snacks. Constipation is my number 1 enemy. Andrew got me some prune juice and I got medicine from my gynae, so I m all geared out to battle it!

We have been shopping for baby essentials. I am utterly clueless so I would buy what I can think of. Thank god for my sisters and mom and my mummy friends who are never stingy with advice. Planning to buy everything before I get too heavy to do long hours of shopping!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Fret Not

Today I saw a colleague teary eyed over an embarrassing situation. I told her hey forget about it. People can be insensitive and no use feeling hurt about it. Then as I drove home, I sort of told my baby ( we have our little talks) that people can be cruel so expect that...but don't get affected.

Then just now I saw a video of a little boy bullied by a bunch of older boys. Gosh. I am slightly frightful for my baby now if that ever happened. I think it was where he stayed, seems rather dodgy. Although it can happen anywhere I guess, but the least I could do is provide a good environment for baby. Let's hope so.

I can practically hear my friends telling me to stop worrying!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Travelling alone

It must be a few times in my life where I went to see a few places on my own. Taiwan, ayuthaya, Bali, some spots in US and Manila. Not by choice but because somehow life works in funny ways I guess. But here are the pros.... I pretty much dictate my own schedule. I eat and drink whenever I feel like it. I can control my budget. I am really good at being alone because I love the peace and tranquility. I don't have to engage in small talks with travelmates who sometimes are not your preferred mates!

But there are some cons for sure. Like you don't have anyone to share the joy of discovering something instantly! I am not an iPhone person so not in the habit of posting stuff every other minute. Although I can have a meal on my own, it is nice to have company to unwind with after a whole day of travelling. When I started to travel with Andrew I do realize a travel partner enhances a trip sometimes. I like how we strategize for the day. I can have more choices when we order food because there is 2 of us and I can pinch on his food.

Pretty soon we are going to travel with our baby. A friend of ours was showing us his diaper bag hehe. Told us to get a small one because you tend to load more stuff on a bigger one! His baby girl was cranky because it was way after her nap time.....

Well it is all good. Can't wait to travel with a baby in tow!

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Just the three of us

J asked me yesterday how I was feeling. Well I was thinking bloated, fat, backaches, hungry, etc etc... But I only told her that it is tiring but a nice feeling. Carrying and making a baby is no joke! This week I have some flutter like feeling that is really ticklish. And the baby is starting to form bones so my tummy is getting hard.

I have been at yo-yo with food. Aside from my usual grub I have yoghurt and ice cream every night this week, yikes! Yoghurt to make me feel less guilty about feeding unhealthy stuff like ice cream to baby!

It is just that I am eating for two now. Whatever that goes to me goes to baby too. It makes me worrisome sometimes... K was telling me, to get used to the worrying, mothers never stop worrying. How very true! I know because my mom is a toughie but she cries every time imn( the twin) leaves for uk ( mind you, we are already 33 ).

Motherhood is definitely something to get used to. I have flashbacks sometimes these days of what an ass I was to my mom in the past and wonder how I would handle it if my son did the same. Gosh! I hope he gets all our good genes! W said I would make a good mom, maybe because I was going on and on nagging at her of working late nights ( midnight, c'mon!) in our office. Or maybe because I threatened to tell her mom!

Of course let s give some credit to the husband who has been patiently obliging , tending to my absurd needs at times....the foot/hand and back massages are really helpful! Well, no one said it was ever easy to be a dad. I guess the fathers face a different set of fears and worry, but I will let him blog about that. Hehe

I hope at it would be smooth one for the 3 of us!

Monday, November 07, 2011

Shopping for a baby!

People who know me would know that I suck at shopping... I like bargains, but won't go all out though. But not when it comes to shopping for a baby. Went for the big bad wolf sale lately to get baby books... And went to a baby fair to hunt for stuff.

I guess parents tend to be over prepared because you don't know what you need until you need them! And so many gadgets out there.... Almost anything you can think of. We just bought a diaper change table at Ikea yesterday. comes with compartments and a foam on the top...

Thank god for hand-me-downs from my sisters so no big ticket spend required! Although I did indulge on some nice cute baby clothes because I could not bear the thought of my son wearing tatty clothes, at least not for the first few months.

Well baby brace yourself to a new life with us ok, taking baby steps!

Saturday, November 05, 2011

Why do people care?

I have this disLike for certain things on Facebook. People have this strange urge to publicize the stuff they buy and the events they went to. Why do people care? What you buy has nothing to do with me. Maybe I am one of those who don't bother, but I' m sure a lot of people don't either. I am psyched sometimes when people happily put pics of anniversary gifts or birthday gifts. I like to think these things are personal. Maybe it is just me.

I told Andrew I didn't want details and scans of my pregnancy on Facebook. People don't need to know and those who cared I would have shared privately anyways. It would be weird to have people see scan of my womb...... Yerrrrrrrr.

What is your take and what do you share on Facebook?

Friday, November 04, 2011

Mothers

I listened with somewhat disgust as 2 of my friends went on bitching about their mothers, competing whose mother is worse, whose mother is more troublesome..... I did not know what to say. I nodded once a while and trying to hide my disgust. Then we went back to our desks, and I decided to send the article I wrote about being sensitive to older people to that one friend that was the closest to me. I thought I hoped my article could turn him around.

The following day he said he cried reading the article not knowing that I wrote it, and he felt completely disgusted with himself. Thanked me over lunch and that the slap in the face I gave him was exactly what he needed. His father just passed away and he felt his mom was still adjusting to the fact and relied on him because who else could she turn to if not her own son (who is single, so no excuse for being busy!).

We forget sometimes in our growing years our mothers and fathers have patiently tended to our needs and answered relentlessly to our 1001 questions.... Why do we fail to extend the same love to our parents now when they feel the most helpless.

I hope my son reads this in the next 20 years and would not snap at me one day for asking his help to bank in a cheque!

On A Rollercoaster

I was watching Real Steel and was bawling like a baby in the cinema. Really a first for me. Blame it on the hormones or maybe the movie was really a tearjerker.... Nevertheless, I'm on a hormonal rollercoaster these days. Few outbursts too, it's a pity the husband has to take it all in! Thanks Andrew!

That goes to my next story. Normally I stay out of trouble at work. Too much politics and I'm too insignificant to care. But recently I was dumbfounded when a colleague told of a plan. Lobbying for the wrong guy for the job. Sigh. I'm really disappointed. Also because I know someone else is more deserving. Silent workers always get sidelined. What kind of a world would my son grow up in if I let this pass????? I thought I couldnt let this go. I thought and talked this through with KK, and I thought I'll let it slide. Who am I to intervene.

Well, my hormones got the better of me. I questioned the colleague. Why him and not her. How could you be so blind. Everything is there, concrete evidence. And then I checked with my boss. She concur with me. Sigh....how can I let this injustice go on.

of course there is very little someone small like me could possibly do. But hey, I tried. It doesnt matter what people think of me. I just want to make the world slightly better and brighter.

TihTahPah