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Saturday, February 18, 2012

Oopsie!

Or, Ten Reasons Why You Need A Beta Reader

1) Because the hero's name changes from Heck to Onion in chapter 8. Oopsie!

2) Because you typed chapter 4 while your 8 month old niece was "helping" you and now it's not particularly readable. Oopsie!

3) Because if your heroine went to high school in the 80's like you did, she would not be in her early 30's in the story set in 2012. Or a virgin. Oopsie!

4) Because nobody but you (who went to high school in the 80's) will get the "Shazbat!" reference. Oopsie!

5) Because if the story is set in Seattle, since you thought that might be groovy, your plot shouldn't feature endless, sunny, warm days. Unless there's been a paradise apocalypse. Oopsie!

6) "It was a dark and stormy knight. Suddenly a shit rang out." Oopsie!

7) Because Jedi are copyrighted. Oopsie!

8) Because your highly scientific explanation of vampirism that you waited to include in chapter 2, instead of infodumping it in chapter 1, is still a boring infodump. Oopsie!

9) Because fairies and faeries are the same thing, and the erratic spelling doesn't add to the story or enhance the worldbuilding. Oopsie!

10) Because the hero does not have 3 hands...does he? Oopsie!

So, what are YOUR most convincing reasons to have a beta reader?

Sincerely,

Jody W.
www.jodywallace.com * www.meankitty.com

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Too Much Of A Good Thing!

[image]
Too Much of a Good Thing
Belch! We’ve all done it! We’ve all overindulged on that extra piece of chocolate, that second sliver of cake, that additional scoop of ice cream, or my personal favorite, one too many cups of coffee! Our stomachs start to rumble and the gases start to flow and before we know it the horrible pain of indigestion sets in!

In light of our Valentine’s Day Chocolate hangovers, I thought it might be fun to look at a few famous over indulgers throughout history, and hopefully find inspiration to not end up like they did!

1135, Henry I, King of England – King Henry reportedly died of food poisoning after eating too many lampreys, a type of toothed eel. These eels are known for attaching themselves to other fish to suck their blood (similar to leaches). It is reported that this “tasty” dish was a delicacy and one of the King’s favorites. He often ate more than his fill. I’m not sure how much pain the King might have been in when he died from his slippery endeavor, but I bet it really sucked! ;)

1410, Martin Aragon, King of Aragon, Valencia, Sardinia and Corsica – Died as a result of laughing uncontrollably while suffering from indigestion. Have you ever had a case of hiccups that sent everyone into a fit of laughter? Or how about a burping episode that led to bouts of hilarious competition? Come on! You know you have! Martin did and now he knows exactly what it means to be “he who laughs last” but was it best?

1601, Tycho Brahe – This Danish Nobleman was known for his astronomical and planetary observations. A firsthand account tells of his death upon refusing to leave an important banquet in Prague in order to relieve himself, “because it would have been a breach of etiquette.” I too have done the pee pee dance, but I must admit that although I have had a few close calls, I have never let it go until I was seeing stars!

1695, Henry Purcell – One of Britain’s great composers, Henry Purcell supposedly died of pneumonia, but there were two rumored stories that stated otherwise. One said that Henry died after getting sick as a result of staying out too late while carousing with friends; another says he died of chocolate poisoning after consuming some of the impure drink at one of London’s new Chocolate Houses. Either way, it sounds like Henry had “one too many”.

1771, Adof Frederick, King of Sweden – This Swedish King is still studied by school children as teachers site the example, “too much of a good thing”. He died after consuming a meal of lobster, caviar, sauerkraut, kippers and champagne. If that wasn’t enough, Adof topped off dinner with fourteen servings of his favorite dessert, Selma (a cream filled pastry often served with hot milk). Seriously Adof? Fourteen desserts? I imagine our “Man vs. Food” friend would say that Adof got creamed!

1888, Elizabeth Stride – Elizabeth was believed to be the fifth victim of Jack the Ripper. When authorities found her mutilated body, it was reported that she clutched a small bunch of grapes in her lifeless hand. Grapes were extravagantly expensive during this time and many believed that Jack the Ripper used the fruit to lure Stride to her death. I guess we could say that Elizabeth and Jack had a very pressing engagement!

And just in case you are saying, “Okay, all of these people died from rich food, excessive drinking, or wantonness”, here’s a health nut that was a little “cracked”!

1974, Basil Brown – A popular health advocate died after drinking ten gallons of carrot juice in ten days. This is ten thousand times the recommended daily allowance of vitamin A! Basil might have wanted to move to the head of the class and make the grade, but in the long run – Basil got juiced!

Thanks for stopping by the Diner for your daily dose of Witt. Seconds anyone?

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Heard It In A Love Song

[image]Yes, lucky me it's my day to post on Valentine's Day! Since Tuesdays are normally Tuneful Tuesdays on my website, I wanted to post about love songs here today.

If you Google songs about love, you'll come up with several lists of the 100 greatest love songs of all time, country and pop. Certainly the country artists would seem to have a handle on songs about love, with all the heartbreak and angst present in most songs. Although recently that trend has shifted to songs about fast cars and red Solo cups.

But the pop/rock stars have always sung about love as well. And let's not forget the crooners of the 40's or the early rock stars of the 50's. No lack of love in those lyrics.

There's no denying it's a subject with which we, as a people, are fascinated. Song lyrics only scratch the surface. We depict and celebrate love in every form of art and media, not only song.

Here are some of my favorite love songs, in alphabetical order:

Always and Forever ~ Heatwave
Always On My Mind ~ Willie Nelson
Amazed ~ Lonestar
At Last ~ Etta James
Behind Closed Doors ~ Charlie Rich
Betcha By Golly, Wow ~ Stylistics
Crazy For You ~ Madonna
Evergreen ~ Barbra Streisand
Forever and Ever, Amen ~ Randy Travis
Happy Together ~ The Turtles
Head Over Heels ~ Tears for Fears
Higher and Higher ~ Jackie Wilson
How Deep Is Your Love ~ The Bee Gees
How Do I Live ~ Trisha Yearwood
I Honestly Love You ~ Olivia Newton-John
I Will Always Love You ~ Dolly Parton
I Will Always Love You ~ Whitney Houston
If ~ Bread
I'll Be There ~ Jackson 5
I'll Make Love to You ~ Boyz II Men
Just the Way You Are ~ Billy Joel
Last Dance ~ Donna Summer
Let's Get It On ~ Marvin Gaye
Let's Stay Together ~ Al Green
Love Will Keep Us Together ~ Captain & Tennille
Maggie May ~ Rod Stewart
Me and Bobby McGee ~ Janis Joplin
Midnight Train To Georgia ~ Gladys Knight
Oh Girl ~ The Chi-Lites
On the Street Where You Live ~ from My Fair Lady
Save the Best for Last ~ Vanessa Williams
Silly Love Songs ~ Wings
Someone To Watch Over Me ~ Ella Fitzgerald
Somewhere ~ from West Side Story
Superstar ~ Roberta Flack
The Closer I Get To You ~ Roberta Flack & Donny Hathaway
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face ~ Roberta Flack
This Guy's In Love With You ~ Herb Alpert
This Kiss ~ Faith Hill
Time In a Bottle ~ Jim Croce
To Love Somebody ~ The Bee Gees
To Sir With Love ~ Lulu
Unchained Melody ~ Righteous Brothers
When a Man Loves a Woman ~ Percy Sledge
Will You Love Me Tomorrow ~ Carole King
Wouldn't It Be Nice ~ Beach Boys
You Are So Beautiful ~ Joe Cocker
You Are the Sunshine Of My Life ~ Stevie Wonder
You Make Loving Fun ~ Fleetwood Mac
You Don't Have to Be a Star ~ Marilyn McCoo & Billy Davis Jr
Your Song ~ Elton John

Did I list your favorite? Talk to me about love songs...

Monday, February 13, 2012

Livia Quinn, Kitchen Supervisor

We all know the if the food ain't right, the customers aren't coming back. It's a team effort and with someone tending to the pies and breads, this kitchen boss spends her time making sure the portion control is maintained, you know, the balance between character and story, mystical and real, sexy and sweet. But watch out - if there's a storm (and there’s always a storm in Livia’s worlds) she will be corralling everyone into the bathrooms and walkins cause nothing' creates tension like a Louisiana hurricane. Bring a crowd and sit down for Livia's specialty - Hot Boiled Crawfish and afterwards cool off with a Snow Ball Supreme.

Livia has plenty of inspiration for her series set in Destiny, Louisiana. She lives by the bayou with her DH, Cocodrie Dundee, pet alligator and Alaskan sled dog-wannabe Pomeranian, Dusty, where she writes about a storm witch/rural carrier and the community of Destiny, La.

Read about her books or visit her blog at http://www.liviaquinn.com
Follow her on FB http://on.fb.me/wClOUb  or twitter @liviaquinn

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

A Celebration of Love and Lovers:Thirteen Men Who Loved Courtesans

In celebration of love and lovers, we bring you a post by award-winning author, Deborah Hale.



Thirteen Men Who Loved Courtesans

During the flamboyant Georgian era,
enjoying the favors of a celebrated courtesan was the ultimate status
symbol. These thirteen men were infamous
for their liaisons…


1. Peniston Lamb, Viscount Melbourne
– Before his marriage, Melbourne lived with courtesan Harriet Powell who took to calling herself Harriet Lamb. Later, Melbourne pursued the most celebrated actress of the day, Sophia Baddeley, lavishing her with jewels and leaving her presents of as much as £500 after a visit. The spendthrift Sophia still managed to rack up thousands of pounds in debts.

(the man sitting on the horse is Lord
Melbourne)

2. Lord George Cavendish – Brother of the Duke of
Devonshire, Lord George was an intermittent patron of courtesan Elizabeth
Armistead before his marriage. In one
comical incident, he called upon his mistress late one evening only to discover
the Prince of Wales hiding in her closet, stark naked!
3. Lord Robert Spencer – Brother of the Duke of
Marlborough, Lord Robert was a charming wastrel known as Comical Spencer. He lost his fortune at the gambling tables,
yet managed to secure the favors of such celebrated courtesans as Polly Jones,
Perdita Robinson and Mrs. Armistead in the strength of his charm alone.


4. Frederick St. John, Viscount Bolingbroke
– His marriage to
Lady Diana Spencer ended in divorce for her infidelity, a blatant double
standard considering Bolingbroke (known as Bully) consorted with some of the
most notorious courtesans of the era including Nelly O’Brien, Polly Jones and
Elizabeth Armistead.





5. George, 6th Earl of Coventry – The earl’s first wife was actress Maria Gunning who carried on a famous rivalry with his mistress, Kitty Fisher. One day, when the two women met in the park, Lady Coventry asked Kitty who had made her dress. Fisher answered that the countess should ask Lord Coventry, for he had given it to her as a gift.
6. John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich – The inventor of the sandwich may have been inspired by courtesan Kitty Fisher eating a thousand guinea banknote between two slices of bread. In 1779 Sandwich’s long-time mistress Martha Ray was murdered at Covent Garden by a young clergyman who was infatuated with her.



7. Edward Smith-Stanley, 12th Earl of Derby– A famous horseracing enthusiast, for whom the Derby Stakes was named. After Lord Derby’s wife left him for The Duke
of Dorset (see below), the earl embarked on a highly publicized affair with Dorset’s former mistress, Mrs. Armistead. He later married actress Elizabeth Farren.

8.George, 1st Marquess of Cholmondeley – Cholmondeley was notorious for his affairs with
actresses and courtesans, including Mrs. Armistead, Perdita Robinson and Grace
Elliott. Sophia Baddeley was one of the few to refuse him. His impressive “manly
dimensions” were satirized in a poem, The Torpedo. They may have been the reason the Duchess of Bedford, thirty years his senior, besieged him with marriage proposals
9. Duke of Wellington – The Iron Duke paid £500 to be introduced to the notorious Regency
courtesan, Harriette Wilson. She was not
impressed with his skill as a lover, claiming the great general had no merit
“for home services or ladies’ uses.”
Later she tried to blackmail the Duke to omit any mention of him in her
autobiography. Wellington’s famous response was, “Publish
and be damned!

10. Augustus Henry FitzRoy 3rd Duke of Grafton --The Duke served as British Prime Minister from 1768-1770. Besotted with courtesan Nancy Parsons, Grafton flaunted their four-year affair much to the disgust of King George III and the Duchess of Grafton, who left him for another man.

11. John Frederick Sackville, 3rd Duke of Dorset-A handsome aristocrat who popularized cricket and served as Ambassador to France, Dorset took courtesan Nancy Parsons on his Grand Tour of Europe. Upon his return to England he took up with the celebrated Mrs. Armistead but left her to pursue Lady Derby. His most famous mistress was Venetian ballerina Giovanna Baccelli, whom he painted by Gainsborough.


12. Charles James Fox – Whig politician and twice British Foreign Secretary, Fox lost an enormous fortune at the gaming tables. He had several mistresses of obscure origins, two of whom bore him children. He was reputed to have had a brief liaison with Perdita Robison before taking celebrated courtesan Elizabeth Armistead as his long-time mistress and later his wife.

13. The Prince Regent-The Prince's first mistress was actress Perdita Robison, to whom he promised a handsome settlement but later reneged. He then took up with Mrs. Armistead and Grace Elliott, who bore a daughter which might have been his. He went on to have affairs with a number of musicians and married aristocrats as well as a long relationship with Catholic widow Maria Fitzherbert.


I enjoyed discovering the scandalous side of these famous men while researching Confessions of a Courtesan, my historical novel based on the life times of Elizabeth Armistead. Here is an excerpt in which Mrs. Armistead confronts several of these gentlemen at their club:

Upon reaching the second floor, I pushed open a set of double doors that stood ajar. I strode into a large, brightly lit room furnished with a great number of tables. Around each table, playing cards lay upon the floor in deep drifts.
The place was crowded with gentlemen dressed in the oddest assortment of garments I had ever seen. Some had on coarse woollen frieze coats, while others wore their own coats turned inside out. Several had on leather sleeve guards such as footmen wore for cleaning silver. Many sported high-crowned straw hats trimmed with flowers and ribbons.
A few of the gentlemen turned to glance at me when I entered, but most kept on playing. The buzz of voices, the clink of coins and the rattle of dice filled the air, together with wine fumes and clouds of pipe smoke. I peered around anxiously for the porter. Finally, I spotted him at a nearby table speaking to a masked man.
“Mrs. Armistead?” Bully pulled off his mask as I approached. “What the deuce are you doing here? And what great calamity is this fellow blathering about?”
“Only that your friends’ rowdy prank last night cost me my place at Mrs. Goadby’s!” Enraged that some of them ignored me to continue playing cards, I grabbed the deck out of the dealer’s hand.
That got me their attention. More masks came off to reveal what I’d suspected. Lord Bolingbroke was happily amusing himself with the very men who’d burst in on us the night before.
“Is that all?” Bully puffed out his broad lower lip. “Then I shall take you into keeping. I was getting tired of my latest mistress, anyway.”
His offer surprised and touched me. But going into Bully’s keeping would be a temporary solution at best. I knew about his money troubles and had no faith at all in his far-fetched enclosure scheme. Moreover, he might cut me loose at a moment’s notice, like his current mistress, of whom I’d known nothing.
My best hope was to pursue my original plan. “I thank you for your generous offer, my lord. But your friends are more to blame for my situation than you are. I think it only fair they should contribute to my rescue.”
They stared at me as if I was mad, in an amusing way.
“What would you have us do, ma’am?” cried one. “Set you up as our banker at quinze? I would not mind losing so much if it was to a beautiful woman.”
His quip eased my sense of desperation. “It is a tempting offer, sir. But I have another position in mind. One I believe you can assist me to obtain, if you are equal to the challenge.”
“Challenge?” Another man flicked a golden rouleau, worth twenty pounds, in the air and caught it again. “Good Lord, Bully, your lady friend has taken our measure to the groat!”
“Hasn’t she just?” agreed the swarthy man with thick brows, whom I now recognized as the celebrated politician, Charles Fox. “The only thing we have a harder time resisting than a challenge is temptation. What are you angling for, my dear, a place in the Treasury?”
“Hardly, sir.” Their amusement at my intrusion boosted my confidence. “I seek a place I am well qualified to fill.”
“What a novel idea.” Mr. Fox chuckled. “Giving places to people qualified to fill them, rather than those who can bring the most influence to bear. You must be a Wilkesite, madam.”
Did these men take anything seriously except indulging their own reckless pleasure? I reminded myself how well that qualified them for my purposes.
“My aim, gentlemen, is to become the most sought-after courtesan in the kingdom. With a little assistance, I believe I can do it.” I spread their cards like a fan and fluttered them in front of my face. “May I count on your support?”
“Courtesan, eh? Like the exquisite Mrs. Baddeley?”
“Better,” I declared, made bold by a potent brew of hope, “for I am prettier.”
“Damned if you aren’t.” A smile of radiant sweetness lightened Mr. Fox’s swarthy features. “This challenge sounds like fine sport. Are we in, gentlemen? It seems the least we can do for the poor lady after the trouble we caused her. Would that all our scrapes could be so easily remedied.”
“She must have French lessons,” said one of his friends.
“And her portrait painted by Reynolds,” suggested another. “Don’t you agree, Charles?”
Mr. Fox nodded. “What about the stage? Have you ever acted my dear?”
They were going to do it! I wanted to toss my handful of cards in the air and dance around the room, but I managed to restrain myself. “I’m certain I could learn.”
“It is settled, then,” said Mr. Fox. “Bully will set her up in lodgings. Richard will find her a French master. Bob will arrange her display in gallery and I shall manage her acting debut. She will soon be all the fashion!”
His friends murmured in agreement.
“In that case,” Bully plucked the cards from my hand, “can we get back to our game before my luck sours?”
The gentlemen turned their backs on me like children who had suddenly lost interest in some passing novelty. I followed the club porter out of the gaming room, not certain whether to be elated or terrified by what I’d just done.

If you’d like to find out more about Confessions of a Courtesan or Elizabeth Charles check out: http://www.deborahhale.com/echarlespage.htm

Diner Staff & Schedule

To keep pace with our unusual hours for our unusual customers, the Otherworld Diner posts on a 4-week rotation beginning on the first Sunday of each month. The order of bloggers (subject to fits and starts and baking disasters) is:

WEEK 1:
Sunday: Jeanne
Monday: Lori
Tuesday: Livia
Wednesday: Eilis
Thursday: Brenda
Friday: Gretchen

WEEK 2:
Sunday: Jeanne
Tuesday: Carol
Wednesday: Shirley
Thursday: Jody
Friday: Cheryl

WEEK 3:
Sunday: Jeanne
Monday: Lori
Tuesday: Debora
Wednesday: PR
Thursday: Brenda

WEEK 4:
Sunday: Jeanne
Monday: Talia
Tuesday: Carol
Wednesday: Michele
Friday: Annie

Former staffers are always welcome, as are you! If you'd like to guest blog at the Otherworld Diner, we're happy to try out recipes, waitstaff and cooks. Drop Jeannie, the hostess, an email, since she writes up the schedule (mdntvoices [at] yahoo.com). Some of our staffers are part-timers themselves and may pop in from time to time to fold napkins, refill the ketchup bottles or try out a new recipe on our customers.

Have a good time while you're here, and be sure to sample the pie!

Sincerely,
The Diner Staff

Note: You can see a collection of all blog entries by specific staff members if you click their names in the right sidebar or in the tags under their bio. You can also click the "staff" tag to see everyone's bio at once.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The diner scene


Wow, this Otherworld Diner business ... it's COOL. It's like the cantina scene in That Famous Movie, except the diner is cleaner and the food is fabulous (the apple pie is to die for). A little less violent. So far. The people watching (so to speak) has a lot in common, though.

There's a diner I go to in my neck of the woods. It's known for its down-home charm and decor (among other things, the place has the best collection of classic and collectible lunch boxes I've ever seen) as well as its food. And the people watching is fun. The waitresses have come and gone through the years -- when I first started to go there, they were mostly students from the nearby community college -- but these days, they're mostly folks who've moved into the neighborhood, liked what they saw, and decided to settle in. Now, I see them at the diner, but I also see them at the supermarket, at the second-run movie theater, at the coffee stand. I like my little diner because it's got a small-town feel in the middle of a city. The customers are a mixed bag too; old folks, young folks, very young folks (shrieking and jumping up and down on the Batmobile ride, part of the decor). And sometimes very odd folks. Yes, it's Seattle's version of the Otherworld Diner.

Now that I'm here at the Otherworld, I'm looking around and liking what I see. It's comfy, it's entertaining...and let me settle into my stool at the counter and see who else comes in!

Eilis Flynn
RIDDLE OF RYU, on sale now
STATIC SHOCK, coming soon
www.eilisflynn.com

Shirley Bourget, Waitress

Shirley is a gum smacking waitress who likes serving up slices of Romance along with your pie! She is usually amped up on caffeine and often lives in a Fantasy world where everyone falls in love and the guy always gets the girl. Shirley loves gossip and is always on the lookout for juicy tidbits to pass along to her customers. So be careful what you voice in her presence, she might just stab you in the back with your own fork!

When Shirley isn’t writing down “orders”, she is often stuck cleaning the freezer as her experience with living in Alaska gives her the ability to withstand the cold. She passes the time in the sub-zero cooler by making up stories about her latest bits of prattle. If you like to keep abreast as to what’s going on and who is eyeing who, just ask Shirley! She’ll be only too glad to tell you.

Website: http://www.ShirleyBourgetFreelanceWriter.com
Author Pages: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Shirley-Bourget/153900874721684
https://www.amazon.com/author/shirleybourget
Twitter: @ShirleyBourget
Online Articles: http://www.helium.com/users/647680
 
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