Jenileigh's Journey

Today I have peace. Thank-you, each one of you that have prayed for me. The anger that consumed me hurt so bad. It's so hard to deal with that kind of pain. It returns because forgiveness isn't a one time thing. It's not a once and for all.

It's a continuous choice that you have to make day after day. The longer you do forgive the easier it gets to move on and forgive again.

It's when something similar happens to you once again, that it knocks your feet out from under you and you hit the ground - with so much more force than you did before. It knocks the air out of your lungs. It opens old wounds that have been sewn together, but not yet healed. It takes time to deal with all the emotions that arise from deep within you. You scream, you run, you try to hide, but there is no escaping it.

The only answer is to stop and face it again, and pray with all your might, allowing God to remind you of His great love and His great power, and how He has forgiven you. That you are no better or any different. He forgives, and so must you, seventy times seventy.

So now I ask for you to pray for Tony and I specifically. We need guidance. Do we return to where we were or do we move on? Where would the Lord have us to go? What does the Lord want us to do? Pray that we be still and hear the voice of God.

God is so faithful.

And I am so human.

I want to be more like Him and less like me.

I love You Jesus. I love YOU! Forgive me for being angry with You. For casting blame where there was none. Forgive me for my excuses and selfishness. Forgive me for not being a good friend, a good leader, a good example to those You set before me. Help me each day to recognize that sin in myself that I may repent and by Your word, Your power and Your might, I conquer that sin and transform, renew in the likeness of You. The Holy and Perfect One!

I am an OVERCOMER through Christ my Savior!

I'm not where I need to be but I'm not where I was. My anger is fading. All prayers are appreciated.

With all the past posts I've shared on anger, you'd think I'd know better. Yet, here I am, full of anger. It's been so long since I've been this mad. It's not just one thing, it's a hundred. I could share them all but the biggest thing I'm angry about is myself and my weaknesses. I'm just mad at the world................

Some people just lie to themselves. They never assume responsibility for their own actions or admit that they are in control of their own life. They look for trouble and when trouble comes they say, "I'm used, abused and walked on." They say they are helping others- but if they could just stop for a second-a nano second- and look into their own life without blinders- and actually see the truth -they WOULD see that they only live for themselves. They give themselves glory for trying to help others but it's the lie they feed themselves to make you feel sorry for them, to make them look good. Look around. Look at what you surround yourself with. Your life is what it is because you chose it. You did and you do, every single day- you choose. Whine and cry, whine in cry, in the name of helping or encouraging someone else. If you want a different life then by goodness get up off of your rear end and LIVE IT!

Well I call it what it is.

BULL.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

You can't change anyone but yourself.

God can't forgive us until we repent. We can't repent until we realize our own actions/wrongs. Things don't change until we choose to change them.

I'm just sick of people's excuses and their feeling OH so sorry for themselves! UGH!

Vent over.

Wise Words from Joyce Meyers:

You can make yourself accountable, or you will be made accountable by the circumstances you create.

You can be full of pity or full of power. Stop blaming others and start taking responsibility for your behavior.

And my favorite

You may think that if someone else doesn't change, you can never be happy. But if you change, you can be happy no matter what.

I've been on a roller coaster over the past two weeks. Still healing and weak but pressing in. I have been busy with college work. I'm starting out very good and my goal is too keep up my grades. I'm pleased with myself thus far.

We have had a few dustings of snow, but not really anything to brag about. I keep wondering how our winter is going to be this year. Will it be a horrible February and March, with low temperatures and lots of snow? Or, will it be like it has been, warm and then cold, warm and then cold? I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

My mother in law collapsed in the floor yesterday and the ambulance took her to the ER. Tony and I were behind the ambulance before it made it to the hospital. They ran a lot of tests before discovering that she had a stroke. Praise God is was mild. They plan to keep her this week and then transfer her to a rehabilitation home for a couple of months. Tony is staying with her in the hospital. I know they are both enjoying this time, in spite of the circumstances that brought them there. If you are reading this, all prayers are greatly appreciated.

I'm still working and loving my job. God is so good to me. The girls are doing wonderful. Meadow is on the honor roll and Sky is home schooling again. I am so thankful. Even with my plate as full as it is I really missed home schooling. Sky is joining me in my college math and we are working well together.

 I am so thankful for family. I have the best family. We never know how much time we have and I am thankful for every single moment. My mom and dad are helping out, my sister has been my best friend, and my brother keeps me laughing. Heaven brought Treyton over tonight and we finished our Anatomy and Physiology homework, while Trey entertained us. I don't know that I've ever laughed so hard in my life. I'll share a little picture of the little booger. We are perfectly normal! :) I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm sure his daddy and his pappy will have a lot to say about this picture. Of course Meadow was the one making him up like a monkey. Notice he was just a chatting away on that phone. lol He loves to talk on the phone. He's just like his momma! He's a chatter box and can say absolutely anything you tell him to. God has a way of putting together the perfect mix in life. 

I truly, from the bottom of my heart, love mine. Every single day of it.

And that's how I roll, one day at a time!

Well I am finally getting to the point that I feel a little better. Although, I still cannot breathe. This stopped up nose is relentless. I've truly missed work and can't wait to get back on Tuesday to see my girlies! I've done nothing this past week but lay around and sleep. It's been awful stuff I'm just so thankful to be coming out of the other end of it. Whew!

Finally got in the Dr.s office today. I felt so bad, I just laid down on the table to wait for the Dr. She said, "Your turn Huh?" Yep, my turn. :)

I got a shot, an antibiotic, and some mean cough syrup. I'm still weak and exhausted but at least I'm on my way. I'll be out of work another day. Sick or not, the whole family has had a lot of time together this past week.

Thanks for the prayers!

My oh my how time flies. I say that often, but there is so much truth in that statement. My family still has the crud. Can you imagine? This stuff is lingering and lingering in spite of antibiotics and steroids. V and I feel incredibly terrible, since we were the ones to catch it last, we aren't as far into it as everyone else. I'm just thankful, ever so thankful, that school does not begin until next week. The Lord really takes care of us in small, simple ways that would be so easy to overlook. I'm so thankful for the little things.

I didn't really make any huge New Years Resolutions. The usual lose weight thing I am not focusing on. This year my goals are to finish. I want to stay in school and finish strong, meaning, I'll focus just a little more to pull up my grade point average. Currently I have a 3.2. I'd like to see a 3.5. I know I can do it. The other thing is to be a better dental assistant and push through this year. One day at a time. One step at a time. I can do this!

Today I have greatly appreciated the family time I've had with my husband and my girls. We have spent the day eating left overs, watching movies, snuggling, and talking. I love the unity we have. The trust. The openness. The willingness to hold nothing back. With my sixteen year old this is especially a good thing. Things are looking good for us this year. I thank God for 2011 and for 2012 I ask, "More Please!"

JUNE