Dawn | Masuoka

I left work today and it was a balmy 72 degrees out. This is the first time my body has experienced warmth when walking around without a jacket and wearing short sleeves and sandals! Normally this time of year my wardrobe is pretty much the same, but I’m typically shivering to the bone and acting like the cold doesn’t bother me. That scenario is the ramification of laziness when it comes to switching out wardrobes. Perhaps I always knew that if I didn’t adapt or adjust my winter wear it’d pay off some day. Well KA-CHING! Today is payday baby! It actually is payday today other than a wardrobe pay off.  Ka-ching ka-ching!

Last night I watched “Hangover 2″, while I found the T/A/and penis shots completely unnecessary (mostly at the end during the credit role) and offensive to my brain (seriously, I don’t care to look at strangers genitalia, fake-not fake… it intrudes upon my eyes), it was a decent flick that I highly recommend to anyone who wants to watch something that’s… well… something.

Continue reading Holy Freaking January!

Current Mood: Giddy

2011, you have taught me a lot of lessons that I will carry with me through the years. Your number is attached to so many changes and progressions that you are a number associated with experiences and events that are seen as significant milestones.

The year had some hardships and heartbreaks along with tragedies and dozens of good-byes.

I discovered what it really means to love and be loved. I learned lessons about family and the importance of ties.

I got engaged! I moved three… THREE times and I completely regret having a king size bed.

I’ve discovered there were so many things I have taken for granted and so many things about myself that required attention and correction.

2012 is going to be spent revisiting my family, marrying my lover/best friend/most wonderful man in the whole entire world… and continuing to grow and learn about myself, the people, and the world around me.

This  is a short and simple post- I just wanted to say thank you to all who had an impact in my life along this journey and I wish each and everyone of you the best years to come.

Love, light, happiness… and more Angry Birds levels!

In a turbulent life you forget about the peace and tranquility that were within you all along. You forget the tools you used to use to create your own oasis as you lived in the center of chaos. The hustles and bustles of a modern life style can feel like a huge mass of clutter with sense of beginning or ending. You used to hit it all head on with the mentality of (if you are a female like myself), “I am woman, hear me ROAR!”.

The next thing you know all the idealist dreams of passions of your youth have waned, the energy that revved your internal engines are puttering and you find yourself rocking back and forth in the corner with tears streaming down your cheeks saying, “I am… I am… woman? Hear me… just please hear me.”

You’ve succumbed to the more unpleasant side of life that you don’t hear about in bedtime stories and fairy tales. You’re in the middle of the whispers and murmurs that the grown-ups used to discuss in words too intense to understand and spoken too low for you to hear. All the things that no one told you about, but all the things that you were sheltered from are now yours to deal with, and you’ve nothing to draw from.

Some children look at adults as having all the tools to cope and deal with life in a graceful, rational and dignified manner. Where do those tools come from? Does calm and rational thinking just magically happen with age? Perhaps to a degree depending on your ability to learn, grow, adapt, adjust and chill out as you age.

Zen. I used to be on the road to there and then something shiny distracted me and turned me completely around. Luckily all it takes to get back there is a mind frame.

Sometimes I wonder if there are people out there who really have it all upstairs, housed in that cranium; the mind that rolls with the punches of life and not once flinches or shows negative emotion or reaction. I know that for myself it’s something I need to work on almost continuously.

Continue reading The Ego And A Long Drive Home

Current Mood: BRRRR

I wrote awhile ago that I was going to bring the site back bigger and better than ever before. My writings would inspire success, societal liberation, and bring the need for feminist outcry to a grinding halt.  My words would be so rich in nutrients that all third world countries would thrive, and people would begin to shine from the inside out due to my soothing words that all world religions would cease to exist and thus bring about world peace.

Maybe I didn’t use those words verbatim, but it was implied in my passing remark that I was intending on updating soon.  I did another minor move here in the large pain the ass state of Texas and so many cerebral crushing adjustments have further caused a blockage in my veins of creativity. I need a transfusion- STAT.

The moments of clarity and enlightenment that I have been able to have, quickly become squashed by forcing the relationship of four cats. Two original house cats… and my own. I knew there’d be conflict but I was hoping it’d be more of the West Side Story kind; singing, dancing, a happy ending (it did end happy didn’t it? It’s been so long since I’ve seen it that I should watch it again before making statements). Instead it’s been more like that night I was college age and hitting the city with my friends when we got caught up in the middle of a Blood/Crips meet up, but with less civility. The last time I saw this much fur fly… I was able to come up with a much more colorful and fitting anecdote.

It’s been difficult to write about any thing new. With the internet blurring in its commentaries, articles, updates and what have you (my fault for hitting “refresh” extremely fast), I feel I’ve nothing to add; no quick witty quips on the Republican circus that has been center stage the past few months. No fun games to report on, although I’ve been *trying* to play Arkham City… it’s difficult to get into full game play when I’m no longer the primary game player. I’ve gotten soft and weak watching others play- and when it’s my turn I freak out when I come across the armed baddies and I can’t do a silent take down without raising my blood pressure to dangerous levels.

I’ve still seen just about every film (worth viewing) once it hits DVD format and the only one that has moved me lately was last night when I watched “Sarah’s Key”. I think the first hour of it I watched through streaming tears. Holocaust movies, always puncture my soul and bring on the water works. I didn’t realize France’s involvement until I saw the film. My eyes are misting up just remembering it.

Continue reading Missing… Myself

When I heard that the store we were planning on going to was in a mall, I felt agitation and annoyance. I hate malls. I can’t stand anything about them because they are like the hub for all that is phony, superficial and moronic. It was too late to back out since my son was already smiling with anticipation of what the store would house. They key words that put a sparkle in his big brown eye were “ninja weapons”. How could I deprive the boy of seeing shiny lethal weapons in person? His room was full of plastic katanas, nunchucks, throwing stars, daggers, and a variety of other things I would not normally be allowed (for the safety of myself and others) to be around should they be found for sale any where outside of a toy section. I was smiling just thinking of his excitement when he feasts his eyes upon the real deal (real-ish).

I made my gripes known to my fiance. I’m obnoxious that way. I was willing to go without much more fuss and since I had said my piece, I could rest at night. I ventured to the mall for the sake of my child. Oh the sacrifices I make. Well, it was seeing the sparkle in my son’s eyes and the fact that the trip to the store caused him to focus on that instead of Arkham City being released in 1.5 days.

Arkham City… another story for perhaps another time. Let’s just say he has e-mailed me reminders from school, has drawn Batman and the countdown non-stop for a month… and in the middle of the night you can hear him squeal from joy because the mere thought of the game has kept him awake (I’ve run in there asking “Are you okay!?!!!” and his reply, “I’m SO EXCITED!!! JUST 4 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!”)

We take the drive to the mall, and I almost forgot my scowling nature when I saw a GIANT GameStop next to the freeway. I felt my eyes triple in size as I pointed out the wonderful sight. “It’s the mother-ship!! It’s gotta be the main distribution center! The hub!!! The wonderful wonderfulness that has all the wonderful games of GameStop!!!!” It stretched blocks back and it was enormous! Headquarters? Heaven???? Who knew?!?!? I just wished I had my camera and a crowbar (due to the fact it was closed and well gated).

I was on such a natural high after the delight of the store that I forgot about the destination until we pulled into the parking lot. My face went from a glowing smile back to the scowl and I quickly looked around for things to dislike. “The cars look stupid.”

I put Jonathon in his wheelchair and we made our way into the societal bowels of hell. When I entered into the mall my apprehension was left behind in the parking lot. There was a cool restaurant that greeted us- so rich with faux foliage and lizards and awesomeness, called Rain-forest Cafe. The rich greens, the aquarium I could see from the hall, the waterfall, the darkness, the… well everything that made it look inviting and some place I must eat at caused me to reluctantly like what I saw.

Damn it Texas, stop making me like things I hate.

I walked directly into the gift shop area and bought both my guys squirrel monkeys that hug you around the neck… just because they were almost as freakishly adorable as my guys.

Upon leaving I saw clothing store after clothing store… apparel that was so flattering and soft feminine hues and flowing, and pretty and lovely and… and… I WANTED! I was irked that I wanted all the pretty things and forced myself to stay out of the stores. Damn you mall.

The mall was laid out okay, the crowds weren’t overly obnoxious and the aesthetically it wasn’t the worst place to be. Pretty modern designs and colors, friendly and inviting signs… I didn’t hate it.

Soon we were approaching the store that was the reason for going- ‘Asian Living’. It was a humble store. There really wasn’t much there and the inventory upon entering wasn’t very impressive (except a Bruce Lee wall hanging that I really must get).

After I did my usual once through (I must always zip through a store aisle to aisle to take everything in), we approached the weapon counter. Jonathon screamed “KNIVES!” and my own eyes lit up. They were all so shiny and sharp! Daggers and blades of all shapes and sizes! A wall of katanas, shelf after shelf of impressively rolled out throwing stars and then one in particular caught my eye. It was a three point retractable shurakin throwing star.

I have no idea what was going on outside of my head. Geoff and Jonathon quickly melted away as my mind went into fantasy mode. I envisioned an intruder and using just one blade in a claw motion to slice their face. I grinned all three blades sliced through the intruders skin and lopped off a finger. I began to drool while the dreamy state had me throwing it into their eye!

After I snapped back to reality, one thing was clear… I MUST HAVE! I stood patiently as the lady behind the counter finished her transaction with two kids who had a thick Southern drawl get a butterfly knife. I scoffed at them… “Hicks.” I informed her when she was free that I wanted that throwing star. I had to have it. When I followed her to the counter I saw dozens of nunchucks hanging on the wall behind her. It took all the power I had to resist the additional purchase.

I walked out the door with the one shuriken and my willpower in place. Back into the heart of the mall we were. Jewelry stores, toy stores, free samples… soon I found myself with popcorn a full belly and a mind full of all the wonderful things that I wanted but refused to get. One of the last stops I wandered into was Sanrio. Ooooooooooooooooooh yes… I suck! All the fun and sparkly tacky Hello Kitty merchandise that had me in some sort of trance until my son’s voice broke through “Oh my god, no! Sheesh, women.” I turned to Y chromosomes who followed me and noted that I needed to come back with female friends.

One lunch later and a 360 of the mall, we were almost back where we started. We needed to depart soon so I could get back home in time to give Jonathon his anti-seizure medication. When I saw we had almost an hour to spare (including driving time), my mind raced back through all the stores we visited. Board game shelves, toys, clothes, furnishings, etc. but only thing definitely called me back… ‘Asian Living’.

There we were again, hours later and back in the original store. I had to get Jonathon a set of nunchucks. The throwing star was far too dangerous for him to even hold and I felt guilty knowing it was mainly for me. Despite the stuffed animal I got him and a karate outfit I bought for his favorite stuffed animal (yes, we went to Build A Bear for the first time), I needed to get him one last item.

We agreed upon a wooden pair, although I myself would have picked out the black studded ones… After I took out my card once more, I thought they might be too heavy for him which might not be much fun in the long run. I didn’t want to swap the nunchucks for the lighter padded ones; instead I ultimately decided that I needed the heavy ones in ADDITION to the padded safety nunchucks that I needed the boy to have. The amused lady rang me up again and we all walked out of the mall beaming. On the way to the car we squealed “WE HAVE REAL WEAPONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and then made our way home.

Fast forward to being in the safety of our living room. Geoff is playing with the new game he got (oh yeah, we went to GameStop where I held back from getting another purchase due to the Arkham City that I want to be in pure gamer enjoyment form for- I handed him my Power card and walked away). I spent the next hour playing with the throwing star and as soon as Geoff went into the other room I broke out the nunchucks and tried nearly every move I had learned from almost every martial arts game and film known to man.

The next thing I knew… WHACK! I screamed automatically from the intense pain happened when I hit my humerus… the side of my head… and lower back. When Geoff returned from the other room, I was unable to successfully conceal my new injuries; and through fits of laughter at my pain, Jonathon made me swap my nunchucks for his padded ones “Until you know how to do it safely.” I told him I knew how to be safe… and he pointed to the dagger that I had accidentally plunged into my arm a few years earlier. Reluctantly I gave him my nunchucks and practiced with the padded ones.

Geoff left to work unsure if he should give the hospitals a heads up about a woman with ninja weapons and possible injuries. I promised to be careful and use the padded nunchucks responsibly.

Once Geoff left and the car was out of sight… I crawled up to Jonathon and distracted him with something on tv as I slid the real nunchucks out of his arms and I slid the padded ones in their place.

I’m sure the swelling will go down before Geoff gets home.

Current Mood: Giddy & Buddha

A short time ago a video was shown to me which discussed the more ludicrous parts of religion that was made by The Thinking Atheist. It was an open letter to family members called, “Nothing More To Talk About”. The video inspired me to make my own list and take it further, I mean why limit it to just silly beliefs?

Well my life is busy and I have very little tolerance for conflict; that being ‘said’… We’ve nothing more to talk about if…

Current Mood: Silly