It’s 1 am and here I am, wide as an owl because I drank too much Chinese tea during dinner. It is scary how tea leaves from these Chinese fellas contain shitloads of caffeine that is many times coffee.

So, here I am, wondering what have I done to my blogs? Many of them have expired and I have stopped a hosting in USA. It is not that I have run out of things to write. I have plenty of things going through my minds most of the times but I have no time to actually penned those thoughts down.

Chinese New Year is almost over. I had a great one this. Mostly because I have that ‘oh oh, this may be the last year before my two older sons leave the roost’. It is something that I kept telling hubby. Something like “We must do this, we must do that because maybe next year, we will only have two kids with us.”

The man, as usual, is as sensible as a rock. He said, “Aiyar, what’s so difficult? Then, we fly to join them wherever they are lor, even better.” Spoilt my emo, drama episodes of ‘let’s make the best of this Chinese New Year because who knows, my kids are gonna fly far far away, got married to some angmors LOL and never stay with us but on their own already’.

Come to think of it, I am very lucky. So far, I don’t have kids leaving the roost yet. I am such a ‘house-y’ person, I like my kids leech on for as long as they like. I can’t understand how people can send their kids to faraway lands to study. My sons’ friends have left for studies overseas and some for work. A few can’t return home for the festive season because when you are in this chef business, you know that festive seasons are no longer yours anymore.

Anyway, in between my work and my eldest son’s work schedule, we managed to squeeze in several get togethers with the relatives this Chinese New Year. We took some really lovely pics which are of course shared on my Facebook.

At this age of mine, I finally see why relatives get-together are so important. Year in, year out, someone got married, had babies, someone got sick, someone died. The cycle of life. Whether we like it or not, these had to happen. Being relatives, we know that at the very least, there are people celebrating together with you. And when it is the final moment, there will be people there mourning for you. Such morbid thoughts for a festive season! *slaps mouth for saying that*

So, like every Chinese New Year, we celebrated it in the best way we can. That is to keep in touch with the relatives and see the children grow. When we see the different stages the children grow, we sometimes forget about ourselves growing old. At least for me, I don’t see the connection. Eg. the nieces and nephews whom I used to see as kids are now married and have homes of their own. Yet, inside me, I don’t see myself as the wrinkled up, hunch back auntie that should have been me. I mean, if the kids have grown that much, surely me too had grown very old.

Hmmm…maybe I stopped growing old and sort of stay at this ‘ageless age’ where I feel neither old nor young. I am not sure if people can grasp what I am saying about ‘ageless age’. It is a time when you stopped seeing yourself as that ‘segregated age’ whereby you are expected to act a certain age. Like for eg if you are in your teens, you have to be a student and be rebellious. At 20 plus you have to start being responsible for your own life. At 30s you probably need to think as a parent. Now, for me, at my age, I don’t have to live up to society expectation of me to be anything, anyone, act in whatever manner or perform any special tasks. It is a great age, I say.

And therefore, I hope I stay at this stage. No worries, no financial problems, no kids problems, no big decisions to make and no heavy responsibilities. I shall remember the cycle of the dragon year when I am totally at peace with myself. I hope the next cycle when I am 60, I will be this peaceful and happy with my life. Gosh, I will be 60 and my eldest will be 34 while my youngest will be 21. Woohoo, I will have all adult kids and I can go paint the town red cos I have no more responsibilities.

Until next cycle of dragon year, I hope I will blog again.

Posted on February 3rd, 2012 by Lilian
Filed under: Family | 2 Comments »

I have been talking about our children’s nutrition and especially about added sugars in growing up milk for several months. Some moms asked me if I have worried excessively and getting paranoid. I disagree. It is important for us parents to be aware of the hidden dangers in our children’s foods because nowadays there are so many contradicting information we get and we need to discern what is good and what is bad.

How many of us actually source our information from reliable sources. Do we find out what are the World Health Organisation (WHO) recommendation for our children? I guess not every parents do that. For example, the WHO recommended that we should keep added sugar intakes to less than 10 per cent of our total calorie intake. So for a 2 to 3 year old that’s really not many calories to put aside for added sugars – only 150 kcal or less than 7 teaspoons per day maximum.

Based on this number, we have to look closely and carefully at what added into our children’s growing up milk and other foods we give our children. Look for foods and beverages labelled “no added sugars†or “less sugars” or “sugar freeâ€. It is also good to be aware of claims about specific types of added sugars such as glucose syrup and corn syrup solids– e.g. a product claiming “no added sucrose†or “sucrose free†could still contain other types of added sugars.

Youtube has a lot of videos explaining by health professional which explains the dangers of hidden sugars in our children’s nutrition. Parents will benefit from learning about this because these videos are good educational resources. I found two series shown in clinics and also available on Youtube and wish to share them here.

One of the series is by Dr. John Monro. According to the video, children’s milk has a natural sugar level (lactose) of 11g-12g per serve. Anything above this can be considered added sugars. It teaches parents on how to look on the ingredient list for added sugar ingredients.

I had shared in my previous blog post some videos by Professor Peter Davies. He talked about WHO recommended intake and how extra added sugars can increase the risk of obesity, hypertension and heart diseases. Take a look at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBw6rlMiOT4 and you can also find more links to other topics on the sidebar on Youtube.

Even the Ministry of Health (MOH) have provided public awareness and community messages to educate the public. I saw this MOH ad in the XXX newspaper on XXX date telling us to be more aware of hidden added sugars with names like corn syrup solids, sucrose and glucose syrup solids. People are now more aware that all these are types added sugars. We need to look out for them – even in our kids growing up milk.

The MOH ad also said that the claim on labels ‘no sucrose’ does not necessarily mean ‘no added sugars’ because there are other forms of added sugars with other fanciful names. So, moms have to be very careful and check and double check labels to make sure that the growing up milk you are feeding your children is really a true no added sugars growing up milk.

After all these educational videos with reminders from our MOH and the potential dangers we are putting our kids through, don’t you agree that it is good for us parents to be more aware and careful?

Posted on January 30th, 2012 by Lilian
Filed under: Rev | Comments Off

Actually, not resolutions but what I am going to do in 2012

1. Bitch more, speak my mind and don’t give a damn
2. Hang on to my Christian faith, never ignore that little inner voice
3. Make an effort to do what I had wanted to do in 2011 – Go for my retreat in Chiangmai
4. Accept that if I am still working in this job, I will not have time for church stuffs – Don’t do a half-hearted job ministering
5. Tell boring, annoying, irritating, useless, pain-in-the-arse people to go fly kite and stop being nice and sociable to them
6. Listen to my doctor to avoid dying young
7. Election or not, give the best for the state
8. Pamper self above all else
9. Accept that nothing is permanent, so enjoy it while it lasts
10.And screw you if you think I am selfish.

Posted on December 30th, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Life and rants | 3 Comments »

We are getting so many conflicting information sometimes. This is especially so when it comes to matters pertaining to our health. We just do not know who to believe sometimes because there are so many schools of thoughts over the same matter sometimes.

So, I am glad that we have better information nowadays via television, public education phamplets and even videos shown at clinics. These channels of information are very important considering that our nation is faced with huge health problems like diabetes, hypertension and the increasing number of obese people.

I have written about children being obese and suspecting that the foods they consume is one of the main cause, apart from not getting enough exercise. This is further confirmed when I watched a video at my doctors clinic the other day.

From what I gathered, many growing up milk powders in Malaysia have way too much added sugars and these kids have developed a sweet tooth. In reality, added sugars have no nutritional contents and they only give added calories.

Yet, many brands of milk are added with corn syrup solids, glucose syrup solids and sucrose. If you read the label carefully, you may be shocked with the amount of the added sugars content in the growing up milk.

The video I saw educated parents about the risks of feeding too much added sugars to our children because not only it makes them fat and if not monitored carefully, obese, it also gives a lot of health problems. Parents may not immediately realize that children too can get diabetes. And usually diabetes come hand in with hypertension. Hypertension is now the silent killer as many people may not be aware of it until it is too late.

Therefore, if you have a chance, to watch the video on why we do not need excessive added sugars to growing up milk. You can view the video featuring Professor Peter Davis on Youtube. One of them about Added Sugars in Growing Up Milk can be found here : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZG6WX9YBPo

At the same time, we also need to be mindful of what we are giving to our growing up children because we certainly do not want them to end up with health problems. By then, it will be too late for us to blame anyone but ourselves.

Posted on December 27th, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Rev | Comments Off

As far as I am concerned, Christmas celebration is over for me. I don’t intend to remain in Penang next weekend. My son’s boss has been awfully nice and gave him annual leave though it is a very busy season where he works.

So, we are planning to be far-far away from the maddening crowd, traffic jam, hordes of tourists and packed eating places. We don’t know where we are going yet.

It is going to be a long weekend, three days to be exact. Rare to get such holidays so I am going to make the best of it. Which means, I must quickly get all my deadlines stuff ready before I take a break.

Had been working almost the whole day today, writing, researching, referring, sieving until my eyes have gotten blurry.

Christmas mood doesn’t bite me. I was at the mall today for a few hours. It is wonderful to get away from home, bring my Mac and work from some coffee joints. It is expensive though. But it’s worth it because I tend to have better concentration than in the office or at home.

The calendar on my wall looks awfully lonely now because there is only one page left. We have only a few days left of 2011. Time to reflect back and see if I have lived a good and meaningful 2011.

With Facebook Timeline, I can actually scroll back at all the thoughts, silly ideas, angry moments, bitchy words, wise opinions and mundane stuffs that have gone through my mind for the whole year, month by month.

I can actually summed up each month and make a short summary of them. Unfortunately, I don’t have that luxury of time because I have to sum up something else more important.

Well, what can I say but 2011 is nothing special. I haven’t gone to jail (yet) though I do get visit from the police. I haven’t been extremely religious but that is enough to get me to get into trouble with the police. So, yeah, that part is probably the most happening thing in the whole of 2011.

I did go for several holidays. Bali, Hong Kong, several parts of Thailand and forget where else. So, that part of life is good too.

I didn’t get any richer but neither am I in want. So, must remember to thank God for His blessings.

All in the family has been safe and healthy. That’s the most important in life. Never ever overlook how important this is. In fact, this is all one should pray for.

I suppose not being ambitious makes me a rather happy person. Blog wise, I didn’t earn enough to get taxed this year. Which is not a bad thing but neither it is a good thing.

So far, I haven’t got tired of doing this 8.30am – 5.30am routine yet. Yeah, many times I did ask myself why the hell am I putting myself through all these rituals of punching clocks and making sure we are not even one minute late when I could sleep all I want at home and won’t get any poorer. But there is always something to remind me that I will get restless after a while.

A wise friend told me it is good for us humans to get restless all the time because only through the restlessness feelings, can we move forward. He said the same thing for feeling restlessness religion wise.

So, here I am, scratching the sole of my foot and wonder what’s the big deal of having another year gone by. Then, another comes in. So what? Except that it is going to be a dragon year. My year. My fourth cycle of dragon years. Maybe it is a big deal then.

Posted on December 18th, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Life and rants | 2 Comments »

Sigh, I had spent a nice holiday today. Although I was so busy rushing for work till about 3 pm on Thursday, it was still worth it taking a day’s leave. I am going to be on leave Friday as well.

I treasure all the simple things in life. I have always been an easy person to please. Don’t know why but the simplest things are, the more I savour it.

Last week, I attended the funeral of my eldest son’s classmate who was also his confirmation class mate in church. Words cannot describe the pain I felt for the mother, especially.

That kind of reminder sort of shaken up my perspective on life. I had wanted to skip the funeral but since my sons insisted I go along, I took half a day emergency leave and bravely face the stark reality of young people dying.

The young man was only 21 years old, a promising lawyer-to-be and from the number of university mates who came in four busloads from KL, he must have touched many people’s lives.

The amount of grief all of them displayed were just so overwhelming. I have never encountered such display of grief at the crematorium and felt so weak and helpless, wondering how the mother is going to face the days ahead. When you have a few hundreds of people wailing at the same time, you can only stand by and ask the Lord to give them strength.

That episode left a lot of changed outlook in me. My own son had been involved in many accidents. A couple of times, those were really, really bad accidents when he smashed up the car, the bike and so on. Well, I am not one who will say ‘we are lucky’ or anything like that. I can only feel grateful, a sense of thanksgiving and a resolve to make the best of my life, each day. Treasuring it, giving thanks and appreciate all the people around me.

These few days, my older boys and I had been going around town, buying stuffs to cook for our Christmas party. I am now playing a secondary role. I leave the heavy tasks of planning, costing and organising to them. For that, I am so lucky. I am so happy. I feel so proud.

I just baked a cake. But that too, because my sons insisted it is going to be ‘my cake’. They each have their own masterpieces to do.

So, yeah, I am an awfully grateful, happy, thankful person these days. Because I have learnt not to hope for what I can’t get. I am thankful for all the wonderful blessings. Every day spent with the kids are meaningful enough.

Next year, who knows, the two older ones may go overseas to work and to continue studies. So, I am not sparing any costs or work to celebrate this Christmas the best I can. We are celebrating on Saturday 17 Dec. because next week, the eldest son will be working.

An 8 kg of turkey from the US, 10 kg of pork ribs from Spain, 5 kgs of lamb from Australia and 4 kgs of salmon from Norway have filled up one of our two fridges. We have lots of other stuffs to prepare. But it will be worth it.

Posted on December 16th, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Life and rants | 1 Comment »

I have not been a good girl this year.

I skipped church.

I get pissed and am not afraid to show it.

I didn’t spend that much time playing masak-masak at home.

I lost weight, put it back and lazy to lose it again.

I dropped out of teaching catechism class.

I dropped out of church choir.

I dropped out of lectoring.

I didn’t contribute much help in church camps.

So, dear Santa. If you are that marvellous, generous, fabulous, bulbous chap they say you are, can you please give me more time? Hey, I am not asking for diamonds or gold, ok? Those cost money. I am asking for only time.

If you can give me some extra time, I promise I will not skip church because I will have spare one hour to go to church every Sunday.

If you give me more time, I won’t be so pissed so the world is peaceful. But then again, morons will not learn a lesson if I don’t scold them. So…never mind, next….

If you give me more time, I will have time to cook for my boys. Abuden, it is not in any social contract that I must die-die cook meals for the boys every day. So, it’s ok, forget it. I am happy as it is because my older boys can cook now. Why would you want to give me more time to be a kitchen slave, no?

I know if you give me more time, I will still not exercise, so yeah, it’s ok too. I have perfect excuse not to exercise because I don’t have time.

As for the rest, Santa, I think you need to ask your friend up there, Jesus to give me more time. I really love spending time, doing stuffs for the church. But, I really, really have no time because I have duties and responsibilities. Jesus said, anyone doing something for the least of the brethens have done for the Lord. So, you see, Santa, there are lots of people who can teach, read the Bible and do stuffs in church. But there aren’t many people who can multi-tasking like me working in a job which doesn’t pay much, plenty of workload and requires the cunning mind of mine to produce things. So, yeah, Santa, please tell Jesus I may not have spend time in the holy house but I have spent lots of time on the grounds. I was out fishing in the open deep blue seas like He said I should.

Whether it is to see Ghani’s shits or to stand in awe amongst King and Queen, those are my job and responsibility.

Dear Santa, now that I have listed out all my naughty and nice, will you still reward me? Please overlook the fact that I did many things that I probably shouldn’t do but hey, I only live once so can you also look the other way?

One more thing, Santa. Since my 8 yrs old no longer believe you exist, you can retire now. Have loads of candies and please remember to zip up your pants after you pee pee. Am reminding you cos your belly is so big, you may not be able to see your birdie sticking out.

Posted on December 15th, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Life and rants | 2 Comments »