al tishali oti

That's an "SOS" for financial aid. A desperate one. 

I thank you.

You force me to examine my soul in order to extract my deepest strengths so I can climb back up.
I climb and climb and when I get back to where I was before the downward push, I keep climbing. The adrenalin of my ascent causes me to forget my starting point and I end up much higher.

Thus, you push and I come out on top.

Again, I thank you.   

Alternatively, the Middle East vs the Far East.
And ahem, since when do I do anything 'middle' if I have the chance to do 'far'?
To quote myself*--when answering my friend's query if her idea was too 'over the top'--"When I hear 'over the top', I come running."
Well, I'm not sure if those are the exact words I used, but my point stands strong and tall. Heehee, I like when my points do my bidding so obediently and soldier-like.

So I had loads** of choices - as enumerated below - and every day my feelings were swayed. If I heard Hebrew that day, I was going to Israel. If I thought about my center, I was packing for Argentina. If I saw a bag from a Guatemala, there was no stopping me from heading to Southeast Asia. (Yes, yes, I know-as you see it, aint no geographic connection between them two fine locates***. But as I see it, the words glare "backpacker". And frankly, it's about me right now. Not in a snobby way, just in a matter of fact way.)

Yesterday, an incredibly perfect opportunity arose in Israel, causing me to believe my decision was sealed. It's a dream I had never even allowed myself to create. Everything made sense and tip-tipa more.

And now, I all want is to travel to Vietnam and the other Southeast Asia countries on the map.

Yes, the conversation with DL**** today about it was the major factor in deciding this. The school, the details, the aching absence of "we want you, we need you" (that's right-even without the exclamation marks), but most of all, the subjugation.
Assorted types. *****

That made me flee far away. Far far, as far east as we can go.
.
I'm gladdened that my decision has been concretized in a manner that gives me relief, confidence, joy and peace.

Vietnam, with the help of G-d, here I come.

* I think avi used to do that all the time. hi avi.
** english bloke attack
*** nifty noun usage for "locations"
**** "malkali" acc. to mendy
*****if not the reismans box in the freezer, some clothing store.

Gosh it's so freakin annoying. 

"What is going on today?? The entire Crown Heights is calling because of the rabbi!!"

I nearly burst with pride.

Ahhhh! Dude! I'm allowed to say dude!! I'm me!!

I just realized that I'm a girl! I'm a girl and not a boy and I'm a girl and not a girl AND boy.

I'm ONE person, ONE half of a complete avodah, ONE path in serving Hashem.
Of course I can't do EVERYTHING. I'm only supposed to do what girls are supposed to do.
Omggggggg! It's a flabbergasting realization. I'm not imperfect by not doing those other fifty things. MY fifty things is my perfection!

This changes my perspective on EVERYTHING. I can't believe this. This is incredible.

THANK YOU REBBE FOR GIVING ME MY MASHPIA!!!
And thank you, Mashpia, for giving me the Rebbe!

Baruch Hashem!